LEAVE YOUR ‘ BAGGAGE ’ FOR A LIGHTER JOURNEY
By Dr . Spencer Blalock , LCSW Contributing Columnist
From the time I became a therapist , to the present , I have had the opportunity to work with people from across the spectrum of life experiences . Though the circumstances of each individual vary substantially , there are common core challenges that are faced . The privilege and duty I have as a therapist is to listen to people ’ s stories , to help them make sense of their stories , and to help them find the power within to make changes and find peace .
Brené Brown , social worker / therapist / researcher , stated , “ Every person has a story or a struggle that will break your heart . And , if we ’ re really paying attention , most people have a story that will bring us to our knees . No one rides for free .” Can you agree ?
What does this have to do with travel ? Everyone is “ traveling ” through this life . Each one is going a different speed with different “ vehicles .” Each “ vehicle ” has some of the same strengths and many different handicaps . No one has to go any faster than anyone else . The rules are to do the best you can with the ‘ vehicle ’ you are given .
One of the things that is so common to all ‘ travelers ’ is something that starts out very early in the journey . It ’ s as if the vehicle gets loaded down with this early attachment . It slows the vehicle down substantially and uses so much energy . Most of the “ drivers ” are so accustomed to the weight , they think it ’ s a part of the vehicle they ’ re required to keep throughout the journey . This weight starts out being experienced as early as 15 months of age . The weight I ’ m referring to is shame .
Shame is a heavy weight to carry . It is mistakenly accepted as valid and worthwhile to carry this weight . The story of where shame comes from is common across many religious / spiritual backgrounds . It started at the dawn of time when the earliest “ travelers ” were innocent and then accused of being ‘ bad ’ for making a mistake . The earliest ‘ travelers ’ were “ good ” until they were falsely accused of being “ bad .” Shame carries the message of “ you are naturally bad and there is nothing you can do about it .”
Have you ever felt this feeling ? You made a mistake ( or lots of them ) and now you feel bad about yourself ? This is different than guilt . Guilt says “ I made a mistake … I recognize it was wrong … I will do what I can to correct my mistake ”. Shame says “ I am so bad for making a mistake … I am wrong … I am unworthy … I can never be redeemed …” Shame is a lie that carries a weight you deserve to let go of today .
A regular practice to lighten your load on this journey is to identify where shame is weighing down your “ vehicle .” Look at the “ vehicle ” of you and ask yourself “ Do I look at myself as bad or unworthy ? Do I punish myself for mistakes I have made or I make ?” If you say yes , then you can reduce weight on the journey and use that energy for more worthwhile endeavors .
One practice you can do to reduce that weight on a regular basis is to use the Ho ’ oponopono Prayer ( Hawaiian ). It may seem overly-simple but simplicity is what we are looking for . You deserve to let go of that weight . You deserve to have compassion on yourself and to find peace . Take a few minutes to sit quietly with your eyes closed . Repeat the following words for five minutes : “ I Am Sorry … Please , Forgive Me … Thank You … I Love You …” These words are speaking to you , releasing shame .
“ It may seem overly-simple but simplicity is what we are looking for . You deserve to let go of that weight . You deserve to have compassion on yourself and to find peace .”
Spencer Blalock
• Spencer Blalock , DHA , LCSW , BCD , is a clinical specialist with Senior Care — a service of Rush Health Systems . For more information , call 601-703-4917 or visit www . rushhealthsystems . org / seniorcare
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