Time Out Abuja
Editor’s Page
motivation
winning the battle of failure
+Eche Onwugbenu
When we “can” help the man failing.
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t: @echezonachukwuO
f: Eche Onwugbenu
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This week I had to separate myself from close friends- because they weren’t been helpful to me nor I to them. It
made me look at my life and I discovered that in the past a lot of people had walked out of my life because I
wasn’t living up to their expectation. It is not right- but then again it is not wrong either- we all have a role to play
in each other’s life and the moment we start seeing this- we are on the way to constantly winning all battles. It is
not easy to walk out on a close friend and it should not be an option. There is always an alternative towards
winning this particular battle. I have failed a lot in the past but my belief system only kept getting better and in
the process i have managed to win where others have failed. What is your goal? Is it to win and avoid failing? Is it
to win with close friends or is it to live your life behind enemy lines? Who influences you and who likes you for no
reason at all other than the fact that you are the black sheep? Presidents of some nations have failed at some
point in their life. There is honor in failing and it comes from the humility derived from the experience of shame.
There is also honor in believing in someone else till a change occurs in their life. Face it- you have the ability to
help- even when others fail to help you. .- Eche Nnamdi Onwugbenu
There are times in life when your best friend is failing. What do you do when you can’t help your
best friend succeed? It is probably a question you have never asked yourself and if this is so- then
you don’t have a best friend. I have loads of great friends, tons of good friends, few friends that never
agree with me on everything and a best friend. In the process of fine tuning my ability to make good
friends and keep positive relationships- I have discovered that it is not every time that things are rosy
in any friendship. I have learned that in some cases- either I have failed and then some people term
me a “looser”- or I have managed to succeed where others have failed and some people term me a
“winner”. I think all this is fab- no doubt- but my biggest quest has been how to help those people I
really believe in and my aim is always the same- how to help them find success- so that my relationship with them can always be great. I am not one of those people who bails out on people when all
is down- I can’t stand those kind of people- so I will never be one of those people. I am one of those
rare people who will have the same friends for 30 years and in the process build a formidable network
of people who value family and revere God. I have discovered that there are things we can do for a
close friend who is going through a tough time that will never taint our image or reputation- rather it
can enhance it and make us influential in the process. And I have also discovered that in the process
of undergoing tough times- it is always the person going through the tough time who gives up first on
their close friends and this happens mostly because of the frustrations of not meeting up to daily routines.
..There are things we can do to help if this occurs and one of the toughest yet important thing to do is this:
*“GROW SEPARATELY- BUT NOT APART.”- First thing first- this is very hard to do and it is very effective in
helping you prioritize your goals. Without you achieving your own goals- you can’t really help your friend
achieve their own. So what you do is this- separate yourself from the crowd. Remove yourself from the
picture- but do not remove yourself from their lives. Take time off hanging out- take time off doing all the
things you love doing together. Hard right? It needs to be done. Find a new place to spend your time but
never leave them out of the picture. REMEMBER- Grow separately; but not apart.
*”INVOLVE THEM IN YOUR DREAM”- This sounds easy but it is not. This can either kill you or make you very
strong. What you should pay attention to is what happens in between.
*”CARRY THEM ALONG- BUT DELEGATE”- Make them feel special- carry them along and delegate things to
them.
*”BE BLUNT- Don’t be ARROGANT”- Their feelings are already hurt- your job is to mend their broken heart.
Be blunt, tell them the truth why they should win with you- be careful not to remind them of their failures
or take credit for helping them find their inner peace- because this will just make them spiral into self
destruction and they could take you down with them.
*”KEEP YOUR DISTANCE- Be on the look out for new ways to improve your relationships even if you
are far away- PAMPER them when you see them if need be- always remind them you care.”
*”Be INVOLVED in their life- Do things for them, PRAY FOR THEM”- Constantly until you see changes.
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