I grew hyper-focused on keeping paper trails, tracking emails, and gathering any evidence to prove that, whatever had gone wrong, it wasn’ t me. I was defensive. Afraid.
Looking back now, I still don’ t think it was my fault, but I’ m sure it was painful to work with me.
Now, 50-year-old, Israel likes to visit 20- year-old Israel sometimes and ask:“ What were you so afraid of?” I realize now— I wasn’ t afraid of problems. I was afraid of“ being the problem.” In fact, I felt safer when things were going wrong— because if I could point out bigger issues, maybe no one would notice mine.
I can still see how this affects my relationship with one of my most faithful friends: criticism. That word may be triggering for some. Ugly. Uncomfortable. But few things in life are as valuable for growth and maturity as a healthy relationship with criticism. You may prefer“ constructive criticism” in the form of a carefully wrapped feedback sandwich— with a compliment on top and a dose of praise underneath— but ultimately, the inside is what matters most in any sandwich.
But learning how to engage with it in a healthy way unlocks a treasure chest of wisdom.
Let’ s open that treasure chest together:
1. There ' s Truth in the Criticism( If You Look for It)
“ Why weren’ t you more prepared for this meeting?” It can sting. But what if, instead of reacting defensively, you tucked it away and reframed it— asked it again, in your own voice, with true love and concern? What if, instead of burying the lesson under excuses or justifications, you let it lift you higher?
We often process criticism in terms of what it means about them— or how they see us. Are they being unfair? Do they think I’ m incompetent? Our instinct is to deflect, to remind them of their own flaws, to shift the conversation away from our own shortcomings. But don’ t let that stealth treasure of what is actually being said. Even when criticism is poorly phrased or humorously delivered, people tend to notice things that are at least partly true about us.
To be clear, when I speak of criticism, I mean a painful critique of your behavior or character. It doesn’ t have to be delivered with harsh intent, but if it stings, we often interpret it as an attack. Criticism may come from well-meaning sources— or not. We may struggle to interpret intent, especially when we are already hurt.
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