Tikkun America RESTORE Magazine Issue 7 Adar II | March 2022 - Page 13

Take my advice and crescendo your romance instead of pouring it out all at once . Maybe even save some ideas for the honeymoon and first year of marriage …
FIGHT FOR YOUR ( MARRIED ) LIFE
No one wants to fight with a loved one . No one wakes up thinking , “ Today I ’ m going to get into a heated argument and hurt my spouse ’ s feelings while getting hurt at the same time .” There is a good saying , “ No one wins in war .” In war and in arguing , both sides are losers . So why not title this principle , “ Fight for your ( Married ) Life ?”
Because you must learn how to “ fight ” in order to have a successful relationship . There are lots of good books on this , but let me summarize some of the best ideas which these books all have in common .
The ability to resolve conflict within the couple is probably the most important skill for a long and happy marriage .
When coming into conflict , label the conflict / feeling / event as “ the problem ” and not the person who caused the conflict / feeling / event . Work together as a team on this “ external ” problem rather than degrading the other person ’ s value as defective .
Allow each person to talk and add information into a “ pool of knowledge ” from which you can discuss the conflict together .
Keep in mind that the deeper your intimacy , the more vulnerable you become . Show extra caution to respect the other person and speak with care and tenderness .
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