Thunder Roads Magazine of Oklahoma/Arkansas September 2015 | Page 29

A biker who has been out on the road for
three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down
$500 and says, “I want your ugliest woman you
got in here and a bologna sandwich!!” The Madam
is astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you
could have one of the finest ladies here and a threecourse meal.” Biker replies, “Listen sweetheart, I
ain’t horny, I’m HOMESICK.”

I went fishing this morning but after a short
time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a Cottonmouth
with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the frog
in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head,
took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket. Now
the dilemma was how to release the snake without
getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels
and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes
rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the
lake without incident and carried on fishing using
A redneck was stopped by a game warden in the frog. A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
middle Tennessee recently with two ice chests full There was that same damn snake with two frogs
of fish. He was leaving a secluded lake well known in his mouth!
for its fishing. The Game Warden asked the man,
‘Do you have a license to catch those fish?’ ‘Naw,
sir’, replied the redneck. ‘I ain’t got none of them
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
there licenses. You gotta’ understand, these here gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she
are my pet fish.’ ‘Pet fish?’
extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
‘Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a
to the lake and let ‘em swim ‘round for a while. beat....she said,
Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into
“Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”
these here ice chests and I take ‘em on home.’
‘That’s a bunch of b.s.! Fish can’t do that.’ The
redneck looked at the warden for a moment and
One day Z-Man came home and was greeted
then said, ‘It’s the truth Mr. Government Man. I’ll by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. “Tie me
show ya, it truly works.’ ‘O.K.’, said the warden. up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you
This I’ve got to see!’
want.” So, he tied her up and went for a long ride
The redneck poured the fish into the lake and on his Harley. 
stood and waited. After several minutes, the warden
says, ‘Well?’ ‘Well, what?,’ says the redneck. The
warden says, ‘When are you going to whistle them
back?’
‘Whistle who back?’ ‘The FISH,’! yelled the
warden! ‘What fish?,’ replied the redneck, “I
thought we were just beholdin’ the beauty of the
lake.”