Thunder Roads Magazine of Oklahoma/Arkansas June 2014 | Page 54

“Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around
the block?” Mom replied, “No, because she is in
heat.” “What’s that mean?” asked little Suzie.
“Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.”

Little Suzie goes to the garage and says,
“Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block?
I asked Mom, but she said Belle was in heat, and
to come to ask you.” Dad said, “Bring Belle over
here.”

He took a rag, soaked it with turpentine,
scrubbed the dog’s backside with it to disguise
the scent, and said “OK, you can go now, but keep
Belle on the leash and only go one time around the
block.”

The little girl left and returned a few minutes
later with no Belle on the leash. Totally surprised,
Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”

Little Suzie said, “She ran out of gas about
halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing
her home.”

When little Tony Soprano returned home from
elementary school, in his youth, he told his dad he
got an F in math.
“Why?” asks the father.
“The teacher asked, ‘How much is 2 x 3,’ and I
said ‘6’”, replies Tony.
“But that’s right!” says his dad.
“Yeah, but then she asked me, ‘How much is
3 x 2?’”
“What’s the damn difference?” asks the father.
“That’s what I said!” little Tony yells.

Flawless Male Logic:
Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3.
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00, which includes a tip.
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: Approximately 20 years.
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a
day which puts your spending each month at $450.
In one year, it would be approximately $5,400,
correct?
Man: Yes, sounds correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5,400, not
accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your
spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Again, sounds correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much
beer, that money could have been put in a step-up
interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 20 years, you could
have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No, I do not.
Man: Then where the hell is your Ferrari?

* Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they
told you how the person REALLY died, right?
* I totally disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet
on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses
begin with Budweiser than Kay.
* We truly need sarcasm emoticons; the “finger”,
the “mooning”, the “bite me”, the “kiss this”…....