A 72 year old guy takes this beautiful 24 year old
young woman out to Christmas Eve dinner. They
had a great time at dinner and are walking through
the mall and he spots a jewelry store and they walk
inside. He tells the Rep working there that this is
one very special lady and he would like to buy her
a very special ring. So the Rep shows him a very
nice ring that cost $5,000. The older guy said no
she is very, very special and needs a very, very
special ring. So the Rep goes to another case and
he pulls out a ring and said “I have this ring but
it cost $40,000”. The older guy says “let’s see it”.
The young ladies eyes light up when she puts it on
her hand and she is smiling ear to ear. The older
guy says “that is perfect we’ll take it”. He explained
he only had a check and that it was 8pm so Rep
couldn’t call the bank to verify the funds. “Can you
take my check and hold the ring until Monday?
Once the bank opens you cash the check and then
call us and we will come pick up the ring”. The Rep
says “great I will hold it until Monday”. Well Mon-
day morning the Rep calls the bank only to find out
the old guy doesn’t have enough to cash a $400.
check let alone a $40,000. one. So the jeweler calls
the old guy yelling to him but about the check. The
old guy just said, “hold on, let me tell you about
my wet n’ wild weekend”!!!.
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A Police Officer pulls over a speeding car on
Christmas Eve.
The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 miles per
hour, sir.”
The driver says, “Goodness, officer, I had it on
cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs
calibrating.”
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says:
‘Now don’t be silly, dear, you know that this car
doesn’t have cruise control”.
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks
over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep
your mouth shut for once?”
The wife smiles demurely and says, “Well dear you
should be thankful your radar detector went off
when it did or your speed would have been higher.”
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the
illegal radar detector unit , the man glowers at his
wife and says through clenched teeth, “Woman,
can’t you keep your mouth shut, ever”?
The officer frowns and says, ‘And I notice that
you’re not wearing your seat
belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine”. The driver
says, ‘Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I
took it off when you pulled me over so that I could
get my license out of my back pocket”. (cont’d.)
The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that
you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear
your seat belt when you’re driving.”
And as the police officer is writing out the third
ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks,“Will
you just shut the hell up?” The officer looks over at
the woman and asks, “Does your husband always
talk to you this way, Ma’am?” The wife looks at the
officer with eyes round and innocent and replies;
“Only when he’s been drinking way too much.”
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On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of
whom loved to play together. One day the two were
playing when the horse fell into a bog and began
to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for
the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the
chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm,
he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no
avail, for the farmer had gone to town with the only
tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farm-
er’s new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the
chicken s