A Nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after
Hazel owned a local Sports Pub and bitched and
complained every morning when she’d have to clean
an 18-hour shift.
She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer the men’s urinals as there was piss all over the floor
directly in front of them, rather than them actually
out of her purse and tries to write with it.
hitting the mark and making it in the urinal.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the
She knew there was something going on rather
stunned bank teller and without missing a beat
then just drunken pissing. So, she posted huge
says, “Well, that’s just great, this means some
signs on every wall directly in front of all urinals:
a-hole’s got my pen.’
PLAYERS WITH SHORT BATS PLEASE STAND
-------------------------------------------------------------- CLOSER TO THE PLATE.
3 Things That Always Tell The Truth:
It worked like a charm.
Small Children (too naive to realize it)
---------------------------------------------------------------
An ole guy biker goes to his doctor for his New Year
Drunk People (w/o even realizing it)
physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precau-
Yoga Pants (in denial about realizing it)
-------------------------------------------------------------- tion. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist
is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor
A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the
says, “I’m going to check your prostate today, but
street when a little girl stopped beside him on her
this new procedure is a little different from what
shiny new bike. “Nice bike”, the cop said. Did Santa you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your
bring it to you? “Yep, the little girl said. He sure
right side, bend your knees, then while I check your
did!” The cop looked the bike over and handed the
prostate, take a deep breath and say, ‘99’.
girl a $20.00 ticket for a safety violation, saying,
The ole guy biker obeys and says,”99”.
“Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector on the back The doctor says, “Great”. Now turn over on your
left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a
of it”. The little girl looked up at the cop and said,
deep breath and say, ‘99”.
“Nice horse you got there, sir, did Santa bring it to
Again, the ole guy biker says, ‘99’.”
you?” “Yes , he sure did”, chuckled the cop. The
The doctor said, ‘Very good. Now then, I want you
little girl looked up at the cop and said, “Next year,
to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly.
tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not
I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and
on top”.
with the other hand I’m going to hold on to your
-------------------------------------------------------------- penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep
This is the story of the blonde flying in a two-seater breath and say, ‘99’.
airplane with just the Pilot on an adventurous first
The ole guy biker begins, “One ...Two... Three…”
date.
--------------------------------------------------------------
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for
The Pilot slumps over the wheel after clutching his
Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat.
heart. She frantically calls out on the radio: “Help
He notices immediately that the guy next to him has
me! Help me! My Pilot had a heart attack and is
a black eye, too.
dead and I don’t know how to fly. Help me! Please
He says to him, “Hey, this is a coincidence, we both
help me!”
have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?”
All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio
The other guy says, “Well, it just happened, it was a
saying: “This is the tower. I have received your
tongue twister accident.
message and I will talk you through it. I’ve had a
See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous
lot of experience with this type of scenario. Just
blonde with the most massive breasts I’d ever seen
relax. Everything will be fine. Now, give me your
was there. So, instead of saying, ‘I’d like two tickets
to Pittsburgh,’ I accidentally said, ‘I’d like two pick-
height and position.”
ets to Tittsburgh’….so she socked me a good one.”
She says, “I’m 5’4” and I’m in the very front seat,
The first guy replied, “Wow! This is unbelievable.
right hand side.”
Mine was a tongue-twister too. I was at the break-
“O.K.” says the voice from the tower, “Repeat after
fast table and I wanted to say to my wife, “Please
me: Our Father Who art in Heaven. . .”
pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.’
-------------------------------------------------------------- But I accidentally said, ‘You have ruined my life you
My ex-wife just texted me, “Wish you were here.”
evil, self-centered, life sucking witch.’
She does this every time she walks through or past ‘Crazy how that stuff just happens, huh’?
a cemetery.
www.thunderroadslams.com | January 2019 | Thunder Roads Magazine LA/MS Gulf Coast 33