A car load of Irish Nuns is sitting at a traffic light
in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks
pull up alongside of them. “Hey, show us yer
tittiess, ya’ bloody penguins!”
shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister
Mary Immaculata and says, “I don’t think they
know who we are; show them your cross.”
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls own her window and shouts,
“Piss off, ya’ fookin’ little wankers,
before I come over there and rip yer balls
off and shove em’ in yer fookin’ filthy mouth”
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back
at Mother Superior, quite innocently,
and asks, “Did that sound cross enough?
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George Phillips , an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan,
was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the
light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the
light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”
He said “No, but some people are breaking into my garden
shed and stealing from me.” Then the police dispatcher said “All
patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will
be along when one is available”. George said, “Okay.” He hung
up the phone and waited 3 minutes. Then he phoned the police
again. “Hello, I just called you a few minutes ago because there
were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have
to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them
both; the dogs are eating them right now,” and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter,
two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up
at the Phillips’ residence and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that
you’d shot them!” George said, “I thought you said there was
nobody available!” *True Story.
Don’t mess with old people. They’ve been around, they know
stuff.
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How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Learn From Your Parents Mistakes.....
Use Birth Control.
www.thunderroadscolorado.com
What was the original point & click interface?
A Smith & Wesson.
________________________________________
Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the
best patients to operate on. The first surgeon, from New
York, says,” I like to see accountants on my operating table
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered. ”The second, from Chicago, responds, “Yeah, but
you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color
coded.” The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, “No, I really
think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in
alphabetical order.” The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles
chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers. Those
guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.
”But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC, shut them all
up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the
easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls,
no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.”
March 2016
Thunder Roads Magazine® Colorado 33