All of the ten senior members of the Board of Directors of the company were called into the Chairman’ s office one by one until only Bob, the junior member, was left sitting outside. Finally it was his turn to be summoned. He entered the office to find the chairman and the ten other directors seated around a table. He was invited to join them, which he did. As soon as he had sat down the chairman turned to Bob looking him squarely in the eye, and with a stern voice, asked,“ Have you ever had sex with Ms. Foyt, my Secretary?”“ Oh, no sir, positively not!” Bob replied.“ Are you absolutely sure?” asked the chairman“ Honest, I’ ve never been close enough to even touch her!”“ You’ d swear to that?”“ Yes, I swear I’ ve never had sex with Ms. Foyt anytime, anywhere.”“ Good, then by process of elimination; you’ re the one that needs to fire her.
Redneck Security System: When out of town, leave note on door: Bubba: Me and Earl went to town for more beer & ammo. Be back in an hour. Don’ t mess w the pitts. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. Don’ t think Mangler was involved but hard to tell with all the blood. Had to put them all inside house in case cops come. Best to wait outside. Be right back buddy. Goober
Booger died in a fire and his body was burned apparently beyond recognition. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Cooter arrived first, and when the Mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said,‘ Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.’ The Mortician rolled him over and Cooter said,‘ Nope, aint Booger.’ The Mortician thought this was rather strange. So, he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said,‘ Yup, he’ s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.’ The Mortician rolled him over and Gomer said,‘ No, that can’ t be Booger‘ The mortician asked,‘ How can you tell?’ Gomer said,‘ Well, Booger had two buttholes.’‘ What? He had two buttholes!!?’ exclaimed the Mortician.‘ Yup, we never seen‘ em, but everywhere we went, everybody always used to say:‘ There’ s Booger with the two buttholes.’
Happy Valentine’ s Day All You Loveable Bikers!
So I finally landed a job as a Smart-Mart Greeter, which is a good find for many retirees, unfortunately I lasted less than a day. About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. Per my greeter training manual I said pleasantly,“ Good morning and welcome to Smart-Mart.”“ Nice children you have there. Are they twins?” The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,“ Hell no, they aint twins. The oldest one is 9, and the other one is 7. Why the hell would you think they’ re twins? Do you need glasses, or are you just plain stupid?” So I replied,“ I’ m neither in need of glasses nor stupid, madam. I just literally could not believe someone actually slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Smart- Mart.” My supervisor said I probably wasn’ t cut out for this line of work. I think I’ ll try the mattress store that just opened up down the road.
www. thunderroadscolorado. com February 2016 Thunder Roads Magazine ® Colorado 33