Santa: Every year, alll I ask for is a big fat bank account
and a slim body. Yet again this year you mixed the two
up, like you’ve done ever since I was 40 years old. Are
you drinking too much of the Elves “special” Eggnog or
what?
A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and
reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which
one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the
counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark
shades. She says, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”
He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop
it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the
sound it makes.”
She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter
anyway.
He says, “That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with
a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line.
It’s a good all-around combination and it’s on sale this
week for only $40.00.”
She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by
the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!” As
she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,” he says. She bends
down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is
really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the
blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind,
he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $54.50
please.”
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, “Didn’t
you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $40.00?
How did you get $54.50?”
He replies, “Yes, Ma’am. The rod and reel is $40.00, but
the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.”
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I
stopped in to visit my aging friend, Bolo. He was busy
covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, “You better get your hearing checked
buddy ......
You’re supposed to turn your clock back”.
For the New Year, please note that condom makers do
not guarantee “Safe Sex” by even a percentage anymore.
Case in fact, a friend of mine was wearing one when he
was shot 5 times by the woman’s husband that he was
humping.
Someone broke into my house last week. They didn’t
take my TV, just the remote. Now they drive by and
change the channels.
Sick bastards!!!
The Doctor asked a pregnant prostitute, “Do you know
who the father is?” She promptly replied, “Hey, Doctor
dumb ass, if you ate a can of beans would you know
which one made you fart?!”
ALL THINGS POSITIVE FOR 2016 BIKERS!
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ONE AND ALL.
Little Becky was gifted a parrot that cussed like a drunken sailor. Tried as she might, she could not get the parrot
to stop cussing so raunchy and acting out. Finally, after
an all-day fight and lecture to the bird, Becky, in desperation, threw up her hands, grabbed the bird and stuck him
in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked on
the door. Then, suddenly there was total silence.Fearing
that she’d hurt the parrot, Becky quickly opened the door
to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto her
outstretched arm and said “I believe I may have offended
you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely
remorseful for my “tude” and promise to be a good bird.
Also, may I be so bold as to inquire what the turkey did
wrong?
www.thunderroadscolorado.com
January 2016
Thunder Roads Magazine® Colorado 33