Ratchet and his wife are watching t . v . when a Slim Fast commercial comes on and he being a natural born smartass says , “ hey , why don ’ t we try washing your clothes in Slim Fast and see if that takes some pounds off ”. Now , Lucy is nobody ’ s fool , so she did a little midnight magic . Next morning when Ratchet gets up , has coffee and grabs a fresh pair of underwear to put on after his shower , he notices as he pulls from drawer that all this white stuff is puffing up in the air . “ Lucy , why in the hell did you put talcum powder in my damn underwear ?”. Lucy casually screams out ; “ It ’ s not talcum powder , it ’ s Miracle Grow ”. _______________________________________________
Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to NY , the other to California . Every ten years they agree to meet in Chicago and play golf . They finish their round at age 30 and go to lunch . “ Where you wanna ’ go ?” “ Hooters .” “ Why ?” “ Well , you know , they got the chicks with the big boobs , and the tight shorts , cute butts and smooth tan legs . “ OK .” Ten years later at 40 they play . “ Where you wanna ’ go ?” “ Hooters .” “ Why ?” “ Well , you know , they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games .” “ OK .” Ten years later at 50 . “ Where you wanna ’ go ?” “ Hooters .” “ Why ?” “ The food is good and there is plenty of parking .” “ OK .” At 60 - “ Where you wanna ’ go ?” “ Hooters .” “ Why ?” “ Wings are half price .” “ OK ” At 70 - “ Where you wanna ’ go ?” “ Hooters .” “ Why ?” “ They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door .” “ OK .” At 80 - “ Where you wanna ’ go ?” “ Hooters .” “ Why ?”
“ We ’ ve never been there before . “ OK .” How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered ?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box ?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage ?
If the professor on Gilligan ’ s Island can make a radio out of a coconut , why can ’ t he fix a hole in a boat ?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours ? They ’ re both dogs .
Why do they call it an asteroid when it ’ s outside the hemisphere , but call it a hemorrhoid when it ’ s in your butt ?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars , but check when you say the paint is wet ?
Why doesn ’ t Tarzan have a really long beard like ZZ Top after all those years in the jungle ? www . thunderroadscolorado . com October 2016 Thunder Roads Magazine ® Colorado 33