Ratchet and his wife are watching t. v. when a Slim Fast commercial comes on and he being a natural born smartass says,“ hey, why don’ t we try washing your clothes in Slim Fast and see if that takes some pounds off”. Now, Lucy is nobody’ s fool, so she did a little midnight magic. Next morning when Ratchet gets up, has coffee and grabs a fresh pair of underwear to put on after his shower, he notices as he pulls from drawer that all this white stuff is puffing up in the air.“ Lucy, why in the hell did you put talcum powder in my damn underwear?”. Lucy casually screams out;“ It’ s not talcum powder, it’ s Miracle Grow”. _______________________________________________
Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to NY, the other to California. Every ten years they agree to meet in Chicago and play golf. They finish their round at age 30 and go to lunch.“ Where you wanna’ go?”“ Hooters.”“ Why?”“ Well, you know, they got the chicks with the big boobs, and the tight shorts, cute butts and smooth tan legs.“ OK.” Ten years later at 40 they play.“ Where you wanna’ go?”“ Hooters.”“ Why?”“ Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games.”“ OK.” Ten years later at 50.“ Where you wanna’ go?”“ Hooters.”“ Why?”“ The food is good and there is plenty of parking.”“ OK.” At 60-“ Where you wanna’ go?”“ Hooters.”“ Why?”“ Wings are half price.”“ OK” At 70-“ Where you wanna’ go?”“ Hooters.”“ Why?”“ They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door.”“ OK.” At 80-“ Where you wanna’ go?”“ Hooters.”“ Why?”
“ We’ ve never been there before.“ OK.” How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
If the professor on Gilligan’ s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’ t he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’ re both dogs.
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’ s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’ s in your butt?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn’ t Tarzan have a really long beard like ZZ Top after all those years in the jungle? www. thunderroadscolorado. com October 2016 Thunder Roads Magazine ® Colorado 33