WE’RE DIFFERENT IN THE
SOUTH……and we like it that way
and aint about to change.
Aint is an actual word and essentially means “no way in hell”.
A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the
road.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and spiders and 4,998 of
them live in the South.
If it grows, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls, it’ll bite cha.
Onced and Twiced are words.
For is pronounced fer.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
Jawl-P? Means, Did you all go to the bathroom?
People actually grow, eat and like okra.
Fixinto is one word. It means I’m going to do that.
There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and
then there’s supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking
it when you’re two.
When a Southern woman says “well, bless your heart,
sugar”, she either really means it or she’s literally telling
you that you’re a dumb-ass twit.
“There’s a story there” means someone has a really juicy past.
The word jeet is actually a question meaning, ‘Did you eat?’
You don’t have to wear a watch, because it doesn’t matter what
time it is, you work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
We fly the American flag alongside the Southern flag with equal pride.
You don’t Push buttons, you Mash em’.
Ya’ll is singular. All ya’ll is plural.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,
vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
You only own seven spices: salt, pepper, garlic powder,
mustard, hot sauce and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on
one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports,
the motor sports, and gossip.
You believe that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You know what a hissyfit is and if the young-uns throw one
in a store, they’ll know the meaning of
“wear the hide off your tail”.
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
We don’t need no dang Driver’s Ed. If our Mama says we
can drive, we can drive!
There’s unique names to designate town areas; “Screechwww.thunderroadscolorado.com
ing Cat’s Holler”, “Squirrel Tail
Ridge”, “Dogs Humpin’ Ciff”, “Shotgun Waterin’ Hole” or
“Bucksnort Hill”. Even if you aint from the South, when you
visit us, you dang sure will be talkin’ like us by the time you
git on down the road back yonder to home.
Bye Bye now; y’all come back real soon, ya’ hear?
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
He has his food prepared for him.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup and again
during the year, if any medical needs arise. For this he pays
nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger
than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep,
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a king and has absolutely no expenses
whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who earn a living.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like
a ton of bricks ~
My dog is a damn Congressman!
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September 2016
Thunder Roads Magazine® Colorado 33