There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman, posed to elegantly cover their privates. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them,‘ As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ ve wished to do the most.’ He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them,‘ Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to go again?’ He asks her‘ Shall we?’ She eagerly replies,‘ Oh, yes, let’ s! But let’ s change positions. This time, I’ ll hold the pigeon down while you crap on its’ head.’--------------------------------------------------------------------- A biker couple, just married during Bike Week, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his hot bride and said,“ Here, put these on.” She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body.“ I can’ t wear your pants,” she said.“ That’ s right!!” said the husband,“ and don’ t you forget it. I’ m the man who wears the pants in this family!” With that she flipped him her panties and said,“ Try these on.” He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said,“ Hell, I can’ t get into your panties!” She said,“ That’ s absolutely right, and that’ s the way it’ s going to be until you adjust your attitude, big boy.”--------------------------------------------------------------------- A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks,“ Are all of those kids yours?” He looks bewildered at her and replies,“ No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.”
A man and woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair, under the table and under the table cloth but the man stared straight ahead. The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and totally out of sight under the tablecloth. Still, the man stared straight ahead. The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risqué and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man,“ Pardon me sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table.” The man calmly looked up at her and said,“ No she didn’ t, she just walked in.”--------------------------------------------------------------------- A teacher asks the kids in her 5th grade class:“ What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says:“ I wanna’ start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest ho’ money can buy, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, a no-limit Visa Platinum, and all the while... banging her like a screen door in a hurricane.” The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply continue with the lesson.“ Alright then, and how about you, Sarah?”“ I wanna’ be Johnny’ s ho’”.--------------------------------------------------------------------- A Doctor asks his patient; whom is a pregnant prostitute,“ Well, do you know who the father is?” Prostitute looks at the Doc and very exhaustedly replies,“ Oh, for goodness sake, if you ate a can of beans, would you know which one made you fart?.”---------------------------------------------------------------------
www. thunderroadslams. com | April 2018 | Thunder Roads Magazine Louisiana / Mississippi 33