by Dr. M. E. Porter
“ Mom! Mommy! Maaaaaaaaa!” This is the ringtone that I use for my children’ s phone calls – I want to be certain that when they call I know that it’ s one of them or someone with their phone calling me about them. It is of the utmost importance that my girls know that I have created a system that lets me know when they are in need of my voice, my presence, my Mothering. My Mommy relationship with my daughters – all 3 of them – is the most important one, only second to God Almighty. It took time for me to feel free as a single mother, though, in the beginning I saw it was a source of bondage!
My worst fear, I did say my worst fear was having children and raising them alone! I was willing to subject myself to all manner of abuses to ensure, not just so my children could have a father, but so that I would not have to be a single mom.“ For the thing that I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me.” Job 3:25. Where did this fear stem from? My mom was a single mom
and I had already witnessed the life, the struggles, the setbacks and pitfalls of raising 3 children alone.
After my second divorce in 2007, I spent almost 1 year just being terrified! Thank God that my settlement was great and allowed me to remain a
stay at home mom – which I had been since the birth of my first child in 1992 – because I was too terrified to do anything but be terrified! I woke up each morning thinking to myself“ What if they need something that I can’ t give them?” or“ What if I need something that they can’ t give me?” Basically
“ What are we all going to do without the husband and father up in here?” I had witnessed single parenting my whole life, I think there was one active father in our neighborhood, so you would think I’ d be comfortable with it, but not me – I didn’ t want the weight of 2 in 1 parenting.
It was the voice of a dear friend that brought me back to myself. As I complained to her one day on the phone about being a single mom now, she replied“ Ummm Marilyn, do you realize that your husband was in the military and spent 6 months at sea sometimes? You don’ t get it that you have already done it all on your own – you have been raising these girls alone anyway pretty much like all military wives do!” In that moment I reflected back over the course of my children’ s lives and my own. How many big days and memorable moments had taken place and it was just me and the kids? How many times did they need something – anything – and they went to their father and not me?
10 THRIVE MAGAZINE