Finding Love Again Don’ t allow the heartbreak you experienced to make you bitter and close your heart and mind to the possibility of true love and happiness. The right person is out there waiting for you to love, but you must be open to receiving it and leaving the baggage of your past relationship behind. This new love can change not only your life, but the life of your child / children. Remember a father figure does not always have to be the biological parent. If you have a good man in your life, he can act as a surrogate or completely take on the role of father, depending on the situation. So, open your heart..
We all have heard the statistic about children of“ single family” households; they are less successful, more prone to criminal behavior, and emotionally needy. This does not have to be your child / children’ s reality.
Work on amicability In some cases, you need to learn to forgive, exhibit patience, and humble ourselves for the betterment of the whole. Take the time to have a heart to heart conversation with the other parent to discuss regular visitations and work out an agreement for special occasions like birthdays and Christmas. Granted it may not work out the way you want it, but at the end of it all, you can say that you tried.
Speak with Love Do not talk negatively about the absent parent to the child. Practice what your parents told you as a child,“ if you don’ t have anything good to say don’ t say anything at all.” Keep your conversations as natural as possible. Your child should not have to split the allegiance and love between both parents and feel like they are betraying the other parent when the other is not around. The fact that the parents are no longer in love should not negatively affect the child / children because you cannot control your tongue and emotions.
Seek Out a Professional If both parents just can’ t work through their issues on their own, it is time to call in the professionals. If you are a church goer and you trust your pastor’ s wisdom, then you should contact him / her for spiritual counseling. If the church is not your thing, you have other options as well. You can hire a mediator or go to family counseling. You owe it to yourself and your kid( s) to do what’ s necessary to create happiness in their eyes.
Family / Friends / Community In some cases, none of the above are applicable because the other parent is deceased or incarcerated. In this case, you can seek out the assistance of a family member, friend, church brother, or community organization to act as a surrogate parent / male role model the child / children need.
Staying true to your role as a parent and not allowing the hype, naysayer, and your emotions to get in the way can aid in helping you achieve a fulfilled life for your children and yourself. Remember, your circumstances don’ t define you, you define your circumstances. It’ s all about the child / children.
THRIVE MAGAZINE 7