THRIVING Melanin Family Magazine June 2017: A Father's Love | Page 18

Turning what I felt
into what they need
by Reginald Perry
My first thoughts about fatherhood came when I was about
three years old. My mother had just married my wonderful
stepfather and my little brother was about to be born. My step
dad loved me from the moment he saw me to the moment he
died. Despite his love there was always this thing in me that
wondered why my biological father didn’t want a relationship
with me. Throughout my childhood my youth and my adolescence
I always had a bit of loneliness associated with that question.
As a teenager I vowed that
no child of mine would
ever have to experience
the loneliness that I felt
growing up. I wasn’t married
to my first child’s mother.
She and I had been close
friends for several years.
Once I realized how few
rights a father has if they’re
not married to the mother of their child, I began
to research family law. By the time my angel was
born, I knew what course to take to ensure that
my child and I had a meaningful relationship.
My daughter’s mother and I didn’t stay together
very long. Come to think of it I was married
by the time my daughter turned 1. I have to
acknowledge in hindsight that even doing the
right thing for the right reason can happen at the
wrong time. That was the case with my marriage.
I married to provide a stable environment for my
child. Her mother didn’t see it that way and she
moved 200 miles away from where I lived. It took
a year of going back and forth to court before
the judge finally awarded me sole custody of my
daughter because of my daughters mother’s
persistent interference with my attempt to be a
significant part of my daughter’s life.
However when my children were in middle
school and high school, my wife and I divorced.
Because of my knowledge of family law, I was
able to conduct myself on a day-to-day basis to
put myself in a position to be awarded custody of
the children that my wife and I had together. The
fact that I was awarded custody of the children
put a serious strain on an already estranged
relationship. It wasn’t easy at first but my now
ex-wife and I were able to develop a workable
co-parenting arrangement. When my ex-wife
remarried the gentleman she chose to marry
understood that he is becoming a part of our
family and not replacing any part of our family.
We ALL co-parent adult children and grand
babies period!
There are some things that can be said by my
children about me as a person. However none
of my five children every question whether or not
their father loves them. My children know that
there is no job, no person, no hobby, no anything
that is more important than any of them.
My next two children were born into the confines
of a loving marriage. Having had experiences
both ways, I truly believe that a loving marriage
is the best way to bring children into this world.
THRIVE MAGAZINE
17