THRIVING Melanin Family Magazine June 2017: A Father's Love | Page 16

Giving props to my son’s father
by Brenda Sissoko
On March 9th 1997, the day Biggie Smalls died,
I found out my boyfriend was cheating and so
we consequently broke up. That same evening a
girlfriend of mine asked for me to go out with
her so that she could introduce me to one of
her friends. I agreed to go out with her but I was
reluctant to meet one of her friends because I
knew she had a thing for African men.
That evening, needless to say, I did go out and
I did meet her friend whom I was pleasantly
surprised that I found him to be handsome but
also fun to talk to. He definitely took my mind off
of the cheating boyfriend for a moment.
By Friday of that same week, he asked me to
marry him. I initially told him no only because
he did not have an engagement ring for me. The
next day which was Saturday we went out and
got an engagement ring. By Monday March 17th
1997, St Patrick’s Day, we were married.
I was excited to inform my ex boyfriend that I
had gotten married and was even more happy
to return all of his things from my house back to
him. It felt really good to be able to tell him that
someone wanted to be with me and wanted to
marry me. I was happy that he was sad about
the way things had turned out. It was a very
temporary happiness because as the weeks
went on I missed my boyfriend tremendously.
Unfortunately, by May I found out I was pregnant
and expecting a baby in January of the next year.
I was devastated. Devastated because not only
did I not want anymore children I was not sure as
to who the father was of my baby. It was a toss-
up between my husband and my ex-boyfriend.
During this time my husband and I were having
challenges in our relationship. But with this new
news I knew I had to tell him what was going on.
I let him know that I was not interested in having
this baby and he let me know under no uncertain
terms that he was not OK with me terminating
the pregnancy. So needless to say regardless as
to whose child this was biologically my husband
was not having me end the pregnancy. As a
matter of fact, he told me that I was his wife
and regardless of the paternity of this child, this
baby was his.
My reason for telling my husband that the baby
could possibly be my ex-boyfriend’s was because
I believe wholeheartedly that if I was woman
enough to step out on my marriage and become
pregnant then I had to be responsible enough
and women enough to face the consequences
regardless of what they may be. My husband
completely shocked me when he told me that
I was his wife and this was our baby together.
Point Blank Period.
When the baby arrived I knew instantly that his
father was not my husband. And although my
husband was very happy for the new addition
to our family I knew deep down inside he was
hurt because our son was not his biologically. I
will always give my ex-husband his props when it
comes to taking responsibility for our son.
My son does have a relationship with his
biological father and knows who he is as well
as his family. But when asked if he would like
to have his last name changed to his biological
father’s last name he said no he wanted to keep
his last name given to him by my ex-husband.
After my ex-husband and I divorced, we did not
have communication with one another for at
least 12 years and out of the blue I received a
phone call from the friend that introduced us in
the first place. She told me that he had reached
out to her to see if she was able to reach out
to me to get my phone number. I let her know
that it was okay for him to have my number and
he called.
He and I had not spoken for 12 years and
the last time we saw one another was the day
our divorce was Final and we were leaving the
courthouse in Charlotte North Carolina. When
I got on the phone with him he apologized
profusely for the decline of our relationship and
wanted me to know how sorry he was and how
much he took full responsibility for the decline
of our relationship. I assured him that he did not
single-handedly destroy our marriage. He had a
lot of help from me. He also wanted to know how
our son was and how things were going.
Ironically, he was going to be in Ohio and wanted to
see if he could meet up to see me and my son.
I agreed and was really happy and humbled that
he even wanted to see us. As a result of that
conversation 3 years ago we still speak weekly
and he has resumed his relationship with my son.
I will always respect my ex-husband
for the role that he’s played in my son’s life
and the love that he has shown
in this whole situation towards our son.
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