Thirty Thousand Days - Fall 2013 Vol 18 No. 1 | Page 4

Opinionated
b y G regg K re c h

“Marijuana” “Abortion”
“The War in Iraq” “ObamaCare”

conversation. But what happens when you don’t recognize
opinions as opinions? Well, then you get into trouble. If you
think that a particular kind of music is inherently “good”
or “likeable” then you can’t understand why someone else
doesn’t agree with you. The only explanations are that
they’re ignorant, or foolish or unable to see and understand
what is obvious (to you). Can you see where this is taking
the relationship? We’re now adding very dangerous
ingredients to the recipe – arrogance, stubbornness,
criticism and even aggression. This isn’t a good formula
for marriages, workgroups, religions or even countries.
It’s actually a wonderful formula for conflict and anger.
The point is not to abandon opinions – that’s just
human nature. The point is to treat them as opinions in
our encounters with others. If someone has a different
opinion about something, we can be curious, rather than
attempt to persuade them that our view is the right view.

You probably have opinions about these topics. Maybe
strong opinions. I’ve been noticing my opinions lately.
And I’ve had a subtle revelation:
“Opinions are just opinions.”
Which is to say, “opinions are not the truth.”
Many newspapers set aside a special section of its
publication for opinions. Sometimes this section is called
“editorials” or “letters to the editor.” Sometimes it’s actually
called “opinion.” There’s a wise recognition in journalism
that it’s helpful to label opinions as opinions and set
them apart from actual news reporting. Of course, not all
news outlets do this. Some of them purposely blend news
and opinion in order to persuade the reader to adopt a
particular opinion.
But the issue of opinions goes beyond politics and news.
“What is it you like about that music?”
It is central to the success of relationships and the avoidance
“What quality of that type of music do you find enjoyable?”
of conflict, aggression, arrogance and even violence.
When I meditate, I become aware of my thoughts. This
My wife and I have a practice that helps us to share ideas
helps me to recognize my thoughts as simply thoughts.
without getting caught up in a debate about those ideas.
But some of those thoughts are actually opinions. Opinions We have different opinions about parenting which can creabout what needs to be done, about right and wrong,
ate tension from time to time. So after morning meditation
about what is attractive and beautiwe each grab a book, article or essay
ful and what is unpleasant, uninon the theme of children/parenting.
teresting or irritating.
Linda reads from her material for
This morning, my teenage
four minutes. My job is to listen and
daughter put on some music. I
then, when she’s done, to respond to
didn’t say anything, but she knows
the question, “What is one valuable
that I don’t particularly like that
idea I can take away from what you
type of music. So while we were in
read?” There’s no discussion at all.
the kitchen getting breakfast ready,
I just simply respond by answering
she said, “How could you not like
this question. Normally I would
this music?” From her viewpoint,
focus like a laser beam on the point,
the music is inherently likeable.
practice or concept that I thought
Just like the sun is inherently bright.
was questionable or had little merit.
But the music is simply music.
In other words, I would assert my
Her preference and enjoyment of
opinion. But instead, I am limited to
it are an opinion. I don’t share that
finding something of value in what
-Pema Chodron
opinion. I happen to enjoy listening
she read. Then we switch roles and
to the blues. Blues music is great I read and she responds to the same
that’s my opinion (but not hers). So here we have a
question. The entire process takes about 10-12 minutes. Then
difference – a difference of opinions. There’s nothing wrong we stop and go on with our day. We try to replace opinions
with differences in opinions — it makes for interesting
with curiosity. It’s not always easy. Sometimes I feel like I’m

“When we hold on to our opinions
with aggression, no matter how
valid our cause, we are simply
adding more aggression to the
planet, and violence and pain
increase. Nothing will ever change
through aggression. Cultivating
nonaggression is cultivating peace.”

4 • Fall 2013

Thirty Thousand Days