Thirty Thousand Days - Fall 2013 Vol 18 No. 1 | Page 12
My Religion is Love
Continued from Page 3
kind. My one true desire was to be wholehearted, to be up
to this, to be my best self that was what mattered to me.
—
And I wanted to be connected with people. This gave me
the opportunity to be the best person I could be, under
these new circumstances I was given. I don’t know if that
translates right for someone else. We have to decide “what
we really want”. Also, the fear made me strong. It kept me
focused on the positive, on my north star.
LAK: Yes, I can see how that would guide you and give you
a focus. When undergoing surgery, you are putting your life in
the hands of so many others, mostly strangers. In a way you
are at the mercy of the world, and are in such a vulnerable and
primarily passive position. So going in to the experience with
something that you can grab onto can make all the difference.
Rather than getting thrown about in the process, you can be led
by a sense of inner guidance. And it sounds like you were. Your
husband said that everyone was very touched by the kindness
and thoughtfulness you showed throughout the process.
VM: I had a genetic problem that was much worse
than anyone knew, and they could fix it. When I stop
to realize the number of ways I am supported and have
always been, I just want to cry for hours
and hours. It is endless. And that support
has made me strong, which fortifies the
supportive net, which supports me. My
husband works for the Boeing Company,
which provides health benefits to his
family. If I began this minute counting
the blessings of this one “policy” I could
be kept busy for the rest of my life.
LAK: Your husband said that you have been
officially designated “Ambassador from the Realm of Possibility”.
Your optimism and your positivity have been contagious. It
sounds like your first words, after waking from surgery were:
“Please tell me who my nurses were so I can thank them”.
VM: (Yes, I also apparently told the surgeon that
he was the new man in my life!) The ICU nurses were
so amazing. I was reliant on everyone for every little
thing. The outstanding medical care I received . . . all
the surgeons, nurses, and other medical people and the
technology and the medicines and the building itself. All
there ready for me. O.K., I did have to wait a few times . .
. but how trivial my inconvenience was compared to the
enormity of what I received. That strong little character
sitting on the net those days was me, quivering in both
puny frustration and breathtaking awe for what was
holding us all together.
LAK: Anything in particular you are doing to keep your
morale up throughout this experience?
12 • Fall 2013
VM: I’ve been keeping my “Thrill Calendar” full.
This is a special calendar I keep to make sure there are
lots of things to look forward to. This included toasting
my daughter on her 21st birthday, starting the 10th
season of writing retreat; a long weekend at the ocean
with 4 other couples; celebrating 25 years of marriage to
John; a trip to California with Christie to see Temple
Grandin; lots of dates with close friends; circle suppers,
celebrations... a calendar full of joyful memories in the
making. Visions to hold onto when I’m at my most
uncomfortable or despairing.
LAK: Did you have to deal much with self-pity or depression?
VM: I don’t know how I would have been if I’d been
dealing with a bad headache, nausea or other unbearable
pain, but I didn’t. I was lucky. We’re dealt the hand,
there it is, then we can play around with the cards, but
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