THERE IS A HELL! - - - IT IS CALLED RETAIL THERE IS A HELL AND IT IS CALLED RETAIL! | Page 8

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4. The customer is always right, which is the worst thing ever.
There’s going to come a point where someone is going to put an item in front of you that
has clearly been used within an inch of its life and they’re going to insist on trying to return it
and pretend like they’ve never touched it and that you should take it back and why aren’t
you taking it back — I’m sorry Ma’am but we have a policy — I’d like to speak to your
manager where is your manager get your manager right now. You have lost the ability to
care, and just want to give this horrendous lady her stupid refund because it’s not like it’s
your money anyway and you would like her to evacuate the premises as soon as humanly
possible. But heven forbid your manager should walk by at this moment, because regardless
of the verbal abuse that’s being slung at you over a 5 pounds refund, you’re going to be the
one getting torn into and treated like a monkey wearing a nametag. “The Customer Is
Always Right”: battle cry of the defeated. (Seems that only in the Budget Airline Industry
“The Customer Is NOT Always Right!)
5. You can never underestimate how cheap people are.
If something is marked at a certain price — even if it was mistakenly put above that price
marker by a lazy shopper who didn’t want to put their item back in its proper place — your
customer is going to all but reach over and rip out your oesophagus before they let you
charge them the actual price. People will stand for an hour at your register, screaming back
and forth some nonsense about a coupon or “I saw this price on the shelf” or whatever other
horrendous reason they have deemed worthy of screaming at you for. And you are usually
powerless, because the price scans the way it scans, and you can’t fix it, so you just kind of
stand there like some modern-day Christ figure and absorb their wrath until they eventually
leave in a huff, talking about how they’ll never shop here again. You will then think, “Right,
that’s a tragedy.”
6. Inventory is the worst part of being alive.
Whatever you’re thinking of, it’s worse than that. Much,
much worse.
7. When your store closes, everyone needs to
GTFO.
There is going to come that moment when, after staring
relentlessly at the clock for the past hour, you are finally
able to close up and get out of there. But wait, no, there
is
some useless person meandering around the displays,
pretending like they are going to buy something, and
being wilfully oblivious to the fact that you’ve already closed the front door to new customers
and are standing next to them, staring at them, willing them to leave with your eyeballs. It is
now your job to make them feel as awkward and unwelcome as possible until they get the
message. I recommend following them around and adjusting things behind them until they
can’t even make eye contact with you.

dodie ste®eo p®odu©tion ™

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