THERE IS A HELL! - - - IT IS CALLED RETAIL THERE IS A HELL AND IT IS CALLED RETAIL! | Page 10

10

my current nightmares, it's always December. There's a framework of twinkling red and
green lights to illuminate the horror.
Just the memory of these nightmares is enough to get my heart pounding and my stomach
acid churning. How I managed to get through various years in retail alive and in nearly one
piece, I'll never know. Now, every time I pass by a Sainsbury’s or Tesco’s I think, "There, but
for the grace of someone..." I've survived years of being homeless and I can honestly say
that I'd rather be homeless than go back to working retail at Christmastime.
Learning the Hard Way
You can learn incredible skills in retail, whether you are behind the cash register or stocking
a shelf. You learn the skills all employers look for -- showing up on time, prioritizing,
following a dress code and keeping a fake smile plastered to your face. You also learn to be
polite, to have a tough skin, and to keep your revenge fantasies completely to yourself. You
also learn how to recognize a shoplifter ... and then realize that retail security personnel are
never armed, unlike a lot of the shoplifters.
I also experienced the priceless moment of a customer threatening to come back with a
machine gun or chainsaw and mow everyone in the store down, starting with me. This was
all because we were out of stock of a Managers Special that was on sale. I just blinked,
nodded and said, "What an interesting mental picture that would make."
That was already back in the winters of the sixties and today I still wonder if that fellow ever
did go postal with a gun or chainsaw on one of the many mall or fast-food restaurant shootups that have happened since.
Trail By Fire
Admittedly, I didn't like my various retail years, either behind a cash register or working the
graveyard night replenishment crew. I did not like having to put up with haphazard
schedules, rude customers and idiotic supervisors. It was especially hard when I had two
college degrees, one university merit but still could not find a better job than retail.
In ancient societies, the test of adulthood for a young man or woman of the tribe was to go
out in the wilderness alone and do something incredibly dangerous like hit a lion with a stick
or get bit by a rattlesnake. When the child returned, they had permanently put away their
childish ways and were treated as adults from then on. This tradition has never passed. Only
now, we send our teenagers off to survive the wilderness of Christmas season retail jobs.
If you can survive retail, especially at Christmas, then you can survive almost anything.

dodie ste®eo p®odu©tion ™

Page 10 of 36