AND THEN , SHE ROSE
ONE WOMAN ’ S
JOURNEY OF HEALING .
Rose ( name changed for anonymity ) is not your average woman . Her story is one of grace and strength , which is evident in how deeply she loves , and how seriously she takes life and the journeys she chooses . Her story exudes selflessness and fairness ; she strongly believes we should give those close to us the benefit of the doubt , and always act on evidence , not whims . Her God given resilience equipped her to face her life battles head on , and emerge from each one triumphant .
Rose , a native of St Lucia , is no stranger to Jamaica , having spent 5 months volunteering her time and expertise with a children ’ s home in the Spanish Town area , a time she describes as most enjoyable . We spoke with Rose about her marriage and journey with IVF . The experience would be an emotional , heart-wrenching one that no one should have to go through , but through the lessons learnt she is able to encourage other women as they too go through similar experiences .
Here is her story …
I got married in 2003 at the age of 29 , and to answer your earlier question of whether or not I was aware before getting married that I was unable to conceive traditionally , the answer is no . I was not aware . I had menstrual problems where there was heavy bleeding , I had a lot of pain and I just thought that it was a feminine thing . I remember at 22 a doctor told me ( based on what he saw with my reproductive system ) that I needed to have a child . That was not even up for debate at the time because I grew up in a Christian home and you do not have sex until you are married . So I got married when I was 29 and that was when I became sexually active .
We tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant over the next year but it did not occur to us that it was a fertility problem until I was 30 and discovered I had an ovarian cyst . I visited the emergency ward and was told I needed to be operated on immediately ; of course I was concerned but had no alternative but to agree . Later on I found out that an operation that should have been 1 hour lasted 6 hours because they found out I had stage five endometriosis . In the process I lost all of my tubes and we know what that means as a woman . It was at this point I was introduced to In Vitro Fertilisation ( IVF ).
We had our consultation with Doctoor who was in Barbados at the time ; I too did my reading to educate myself and to be aware of side effects from medication once I started the process . It cost ME a lot of money and notice I said ME ; the cost was because of my additional feminine woes , having stage five endometriosis and the fact that all of my tubes were gone . I did the process in Barbados having injections , egg retrieval , my husband ’ s sperm injected to fertilise eggs , eggs being replaced and everything that was involved and my husband was very supportive through it all . I went back to St Lucia , after 2 weeks I did the pregnancy test and it was negative . I paid at the time the equivalent of about USD15000 .
Having found out it was negative I went into depression . I questioned God . I was 35 and asked “ Why me ?” I admit it was a lot to deal with but I thanked God for my supportive husband . We decided to do a second IVF cycle . We visited our doctor to consult on the 2nd IVF cycle and discovered that I had fibroids in my uterus . Could things get any worse ? I had to be operated on again which was an added cost of USD5000 . This felt like a burden because of the upcoming spending on a second IVF cycle , but the need to have a child was great and so the cost was dismissed . So the procedure was done to remove my ovaries and the doctor discovered that the endometriosis had escalated ( did I ask if things could get any worse . After having my ovaries removed we waited 18 months for my body to heal and then I headed back to Barbados for my second round of IVF treatment and because of the added issues they had to increase the medication , especially after finding out that my egg count was low . Increased medication was a challenge for me to say the least .
This time around I was in Barbados by myself . My husband had become withdrawn , and of course I looked for an excuse for him , thinking it was the pressure of work . I am an independent woman having been on my own at a very early age and so I WAS DETERMINED TO DO THIS ON MY OWN . I had no one but myself and the nurses and doctors . I had to do everything myself ( including the injections ), and through it all I am seeing wives and husbands together at the IVF centre , but , I shut all of that out and focused on doing what I had to . I went through the process up to the point of when the sperm was needed and then he ( my husband ) came but did not stay beyond having to do just that . My excuse for him was still work pressure , as withdrawn as he was . Once I go through the process and they attached the embryo , I really should have someone with me to do the lifting of heavy stuff , but , I was alone . I encouraged myself and did what I had to do still thinking that I must sacrifice and share my husband with work , even when I needed him the most . I think in hindsight my excuses were because I did not want to get angry . I did not want to get depressed . I wanted to have the best aura to ensure that my baby thrived and that my husband could get his wish for a child .
One morning close to the time I was to do the pregnancy test I found myself in my backyard at 4am crying out to God , not for myself but for my husband because I knew how much he wanted a child . I reminded God of all the dreams and the confirmations and prayed hard for the child who would complete my family . At the end of my prayers I felt a peace , but it was not a peace that reassured me that I would have a positive outcome . It was a peace that told me that whatever the outcome was all would be well . This left me confused . I did the pregnancy test and once again it was negative .
When I told my husband that the pregnancy test was negative , his response was an unemotional “ Well at least you tried ”. And then everything changed …
A total of USD30,000 spent with no baby as the result , but I never doubted God , I never got angry , I just asked for strength .
My husband travelled to Trinidad for two weeks shortly after , unconcerned about what I was going through . I was alone and prayed to God to make everything plain where my husband was concerned – but , the distance increased . I remember when I had returned from Barbados after doing the 2nd IVF cycle that I had felt darkness ( I have very strong intuition ) as I
44 The Beyond Woman Magazine