I am not afraid ; I remain unintimidated . I am stronger and more empowered in my forties . And I am going to hold you accountable and show you your hypocrisy .
The forties are liberating , and I don ' t need anyone ' s permission or validation . It gives me a level of freedom . I know who I am , and I like myself . If you are in your forties and don ' t like yourself , get help , and I say that with deep compassion . Some of us don ' t engage in therapy , and we should , for many different reasons . If we have moments or spaces in our lives that require healing , then we should get help . And ask for help . I do not genuflect to make others like me .
My husband is ten years younger than I am , and that ' s a whole other story . All the preconceived notions that you have of your ideal life , when you get to forty , you realize that life is not a script or a dress rehearsal . Life is happening right now , and you must respond . I thought I would have had the older distinguished partner ; that did not occur , and that ' s life . I am happy .
TBWM : What do you love about being a black woman in this era ? Dr . Dunkley : I love her beauty and her hair . I have never felt more beautiful as a black woman than now . And that beauty is both intrinsic and extrinsic . I moved to a country where they sometimes make our features into caricatures or cartoons . They make our noses big , our lips thick , and now I see black women loving themselves and each other . We are doing a better job of teaching and passing on that self-love , which is one of the best parts of being a black woman . I think Marcus Garvey and Malcolm X are two of our black leaders who have always stood in homage to the black woman as the ultimate symbol of beauty , civilization , strength , and softness -I love that .
Society is also remembering that we are soft too . We are often presented with an image of the black woman as strong , not emotionally , but physically . Society tells us implicitly and explicitly that we are not soft enough and worthy of value and nurture . That is how they portray us . But the black woman is now saying , yes , I am strong and worthy of nurture .
I am feminine with feelings , and I have value like any other woman . And my being a black woman does not negate or diminish my worth . We must remind ourselves of this fact constantly . I think it is a wonderfully beautiful and powerful era for us to live in as sisters and to encourage each other by saying , " I AM WITH YOU ."
TBWM : What is your favorite color and why ? Share with us your favorite quote . Dr . Dunkley : Black , and I also like yellow because it is springy and bright , and it reminds me of the sun and Mama Africa . I love black because it is such a powerful color . I love to dress in all black and stand in that magnificent meditation with the presence and power of being black .
Favorite quote : " A people without a knowledge of its history and civilization is like a tree without roots " – Marcus Garvey . This quote anchors me because I am my mother ' s daughter . My African name is Uhuru , the Swahili word for freedom . I am the promised dreams of my ancestors . I am here representing my ancestors and leading by example for future generations .
TBWM : Let us talk about the routine that successful people have . Do you have one , and if yes , what is yours ? Dr . Dunkley : I do have routines . Routines grow into rituals . I like rituals because they give meaning to our lives . I can jump out of the box , though . I usually am very spontaneous during the three months each year that I live in Jamaica .
Routines make me more productive . I have a saying that habits work when the discipline to do a thing like going to the gym fails . I get up early between 5-6 a . m . when the sun rises . I have a more fulfilling day when I wake up early . I always say good morning , God , and thank you , God . I stand in gratitude for the gift of life . I ' m always grateful for another day to continue this mission I am on . I practice this ritual of thanksgiving daily .
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