TheBeyondWoman Magazine Issue #9 | Page 32

TBWM : What words do you have for women who might be struggling , from the stay-athome mom to the executive . Dr . Dunkley : You have to know who you are at your core because your core doesn ' t change . You must know your beliefs , your absolutes , and your non-negotiables because within that struggle and how you define the fight , and how you respond , whether or not you overcome the adversity , depends on your core . What are you willing to sacrifice ? What will you compromise ? Sometimes compromise is necessary . If it ' s a financial struggle , what is an untapped talent or skill that you can monetize ? I have always stated that if I need money , I will Uber , I will work at Walmart . I am not immune to these activities because I know my core – that I prefer financial independence over-dependence . So , I will do what is required and what it takes to win .
No one can tell you your core ; that is a truth only you can know . When you are all alone in that time and space , that is the authentic you ; that is your core . Understanding the essence of your being will get you through every kind of struggle that you encounter . If you gain a few pounds and you are comfortable with the pounds , then you are sexy just the same . If you put on a few pounds and are uncomfortable , you will lose them . If you decide to confront adversity head-on then , you will . If you prefer to retreat and allow the adversity to hover , then that is how you cope .
My grandmother Kathleen Bowen is a phenom . She did not graduate from any school because of a lack of opportunity . However , she was a critical thinker who birthed nine children and raised eight into adulthood . She was an innovator and a fighter in her soul . My grandmother took care of her family and learned to negotiate a feminine space with her husband , my grandfather , in a sexist Jamaican society . She had nine children and became paralyzed in her 50 ' s , but she knew and understood her core which made her able to run her household while living with an impediment . We cannot let the media or religion tell us who we should be . We must know who we are , and that - makes a significant difference in any " struggle ." " Woman , know thyself ."
TBWM : What about Millennials and Generation Z , any advice ? What words of encouragement for success ? Dr . Dunkley : The millennials and Gen Z are unique , fun , and intelligent . I work and interact with them a lot . One of the critical pieces of wisdom that I consistently share is that they are enough , especially for young black women and men . They need to know they are ENOUGH -kind , intelligent , beautiful , and brave , just enough . Whoever you are in the moment , you show up , know that you are not insufficient . We all are a work in progress , and it is a lie that we tell black women that maybe if you were not this or if you were that , you would have accomplished whatever that desired object is . Recognize in that moment and space that this deficit mindset is a lie and that you are enough . Continue to improve , get your credentials , read , play , take an art class , smile , have fun , dance , laugh , sing , cry , start a business , write a poem , start a magazine – you are enough . Do not let others talk you out of your dreams . Be fierce and plan your life but leave room to navigate the unexpected and unintended . Live !
TBWM : You are in your forties , and you know they say when we hit the big four zero , it is a whole different ballpark , and then onto 45 is another game-changer . What has it been like for you ? Dr . Dunkley : I agree . In my forties , I am unapologetic . I must invoke the spirit of Shirley Chisholm here . I am a Garveyite , and I am all about Pan Africanism and blackness all day and every day . I anchor my actions in Garveyism . I am unbought and unbossed in my forties . I used to be naïve and allow people to take some measure of latitude with me and then say I will pray for them . However , I assure you , I will check you now . That is what the forties have done .
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