EDITORIAL
It’ s coming up to Xmas. You can tell, if only because there’ s that idiot picture of that idiot dog on the cover. Xmas is all about tradition. And it’ s lovely, but there’ s always the question of what to get them. The question of presents.
A few years ago, I bought My Fine Wife an Air Fryer for Xmas. It was that year everyone either bought or was given an air fryer. Has anyone still got theirs? And has anyone who has still got theirs still use it? Didn’ t think so. Anyway.
Actually it was the perfect present. It was a nice big thing in a nice big box, it came with all manner of attachments and a little sachet of dust that you could pour over it to save it the trouble of gathering dust itself. It was quite expensive and I got some serious brownie points- mostly for the size of the box. About a week later, quietly and without fuss, I took it back to the shop and got my money back. The perfect present. Big time brownie points... and your money back.
Buying presents for a loved one is always a bit of a mission. What do they need? They need nothing. How many bright red Triumph Spitfires can you drive at any one time? We don’ t do presents any more. We give each other‘ experiences’. A ticket to go and
see that. A trip here, a visit there. Making memories. So much nicer than an idiot kitchen gadget, even one where you get the money back.
Anyway. This year I had a birthday, and My Fine Wife gave me‘ cuttlefish casting’. No, me neither. I know she gets her hair done at a place called Cuttlefish, but how can I say this? If you were going to buy me a present that had something to do with hair, you wouldn’ t need much wrapping paper.
“ Cuttlefish are a chunky squid-like creature with a well-developed head, large eyes and mouths with beak-like jaws. They have a fin that runs around their body, eight‘ arms’ with suckers plus two tentacles around the mouth. Cuttlefish are extremely variable in colour, but are usually blackishbrown, mottled or striped”.
The cuttlefish casting was at the Phoenix Art Space, that large possibly unattractive building near The Level by St Peter’ s. I must have driven past that place a thousand times- last week alone- but I’ ve never really taken much notice of it. But there’ s loads of fantastic stuff that goes on there. Like cuttlefish casting.
Cuttlefish also have a‘ cuttlebone’ which they use for buoyancy. You probably know them from when you were a kid and your Aunt Sadie had a budgie called Twinkie and she used to give it a cuttlefish to eat. Well, a cuttlebone.
Cuttlebones wash up on shore. They’ re white and oblong shaped. One side is hard as bone, the other is soft like polystyrene made of chalk.
You make a shape in the soft side, fill it with molten pewter and that’ s the casting.
The class, led by Anna Watson, was easy and fun. It was loveky to spend the day doing something new, something creative.
I decided to make a ring. I like rings. That was straightforward because I could just copy one of my other rings for size. Loved it.( It’ s the one below, next to the dual prong ring). A bit of rubbing down, a bit of filing, a bit of shining. Loved it. Buoyed, I decided to make My Fine Wife a ring. Well, this was all her idea. So I made her a ring. And then another.
Reader, both rings fitted her like, well, rings. I’ m not sure who was more surprised: me, her or the cuttlefish. One thing I do know though. More brownie points than a warehouse full of air fryers.
l https:// phoenixartspace. org / learn / courses-at-phoenix /
Happy now?
Have you ever had occasion to go to the Royal Sussex County Hospital? Chances are you have, because if you’ re reading this then( a) you live in Sussex and( b) one is not exactly spoilt for choices when it comes to hospitals in Sussex. And this is a pity for you because there are only, according to the NHS’ s own league tables, seventeen hospitals worse than the Royal Sussex in the entire UK: it’ s 117th out of 134.
One wonders why, and what can be done about it. Why: I suspect a massive amount of mismanagement. The place is vast, as you know, and that has to increase the chances of confusion when it comes to one department – A & E, say – communicating with another – the Surgical Assessment Unit. Or, indeed, the SAU communicating with my GP Surgery( the very excellent Montpelier Surgery, for whom I have nothing but praise). As I write, my GP is still waiting for paperwork at least a week old from the hospital, the paperwork they did send over was both inaccurate and incomplete, and when I told the doctor I was seeing that the Royal Sussex didn’ t exactly seem to be at the top of its game, she made a kind of face which said:“ I know exactly what you mean, but it would be bad form to say such a thing about my colleagues.”
It took them four days to diagnose me with gallstones; and they tell me it will be six months to a year before I can be operated on. That’ s quite a long time to wait when you’ re in constant pain; pain mitigated by a combination of paracetamol and the kind of drugs that the packet tells you not to take for more than five days in a row, in case you become addicted. Joinedup thinking doesn’ t seem to be a speciality of the place, but I am grateful for these painkillers, let’ s get that straight.
There was a nice young man handing out
Nicholas Lezard
sandwiches to the wounded in A & E around nine o’ clock in the evening; by that stage I’ d been there for ten hours. At least I had a cot to lie on.( I am very glad I didn’ t choose the cheese sandwich option: it would have played merry hell with my gall bladder. That’ s another thing they might want to reconsider.) And I have to say all the staff, obviously overworked as they were, were also very nice, with the significant exception of the Registrar who finally delivered the diagnosis: he had – let me put this politely – all the charm and patient skills of an American customs official, and also failed to send me away with any information or discharge notes, which is apparently a big no-no in hospital circles.
What are your experiences of the Royal Sussex? I’ ll bet loads of you have had worse experiences than mine. I don’ t know what can be done to make things better, but we have to start somewhere.