Growing old ( er )... disgracefully
I
’ m stuck ”, says Marni , looking out the window wistfully ; “ And , I ’ m bored ”. Marni looks at me meaningfully – almost a glare . A sort of desperate ‘ Do something about it , damn-you ’ look .
Actually , we ’ ve talked about all her options several times – leaving a dead-end relationship , changing jobs , re-training , a new hobby , joining the Foreign Legion … Marni always thinks about it , goes home from therapy and sadly , does nothing .
Now , she ’ s back again and frustrated . “ I need to change something …” We are entering what I call the ‘ Change Paradox ’ – people want something to change , just as long as nothing has to change . However , to change , something has to change .
This time , I ’ m prepared . “ OK , where do we start ?” My philosophy is if you are going to eat an elephant you need to start with one small toenail . She thinks a moment : “ My hair , I ’ m fed up with it …” It turns out she ’ s had the same cut for years .
“ What would you like to do with it ?” “ Oooh , I ’ d love colour – something wild , like teal blue . Or maybe sea green ”. Marni perks up . “ So why not go for it ?” She looks shocked . ” Really ?...” “ What are you waiting for ?”
There ’ s a pause . Then a shrug . “ I dunno … what if `I don ’ t like it ? What if it looks awful ?” “ Well , I guess you could try something else ?” We often think “ What if ?...” as a way of expressing fear , feeding procrastination . Sadly , it can just be a way of putting things off .
Of course , it ’ s understandable that dramatic personal change is a challenge . The truth is , most of us can feel risk averse , especially when we feel low , or fed-up or demotivated .
But it IS possible to move forward by simply making a decision and trying it out . Living with indecision can be more painful than living with a new decision . You can try out an idea and live with it … see how it feels .
We get so much further if we stop listening to fear , putting things off , delaying the obvious . Spring is sprung and it ’ s time to move forward . Even just setting three bitesize goals and taking baby steps towards them can lift your mood – you ’ re getting somewhere after all .
You can do it in pairs , too . Find a buddy to walk with , join a new activity with , or simply set your goals with . Then help each other keep on track – avoiding all the
‘ What if ’ excuses , and planning and executing your next baby steps .
Top tips to Spring Forward :
• Try out a decision like wearing a new jacket , if you don ’ t like it you can take it off ;
• Stop thinking ‘ What if ..’ – it ’ s just fear and it holds you up ;
• Set three small achievable goals ;
• Tackle one and reward on completion ;
• Stop hesitating and regretting – get on with life in the now .
My Next Step
I will be running a ‘ Taster Workshop ’ on 26th April in the West Hill Community Hall from 10-1pm on how to “ Spring Forward ” and stop procrastinating . Love to see you there . ( Don ’ t put it off !)
Photographer : Lynn Herrick