Andrew Clover is The Man Who Says “ Yes ”. This week , Andrew says “ Yes ” to life in the countryside
Conservation Matters Jim Gowans
Andrew Clover is The Man Who Says “ Yes ”. This week , Andrew says “ Yes ” to life in the countryside
At the last festival of the autumn - a hipster ’ s paradise of ale and fiddles – I said , ‘ I ’ d love to come and live at Tolhurst again !’ and the guy who does the yoga retreats said , ‘ Want to rent our canal boat , for January and February ?’ so I said , ‘ Yes !’ And here is the boat … Looks lovely , doesn ’ t it ? Now imagine it damp , cramped , and so low you must stoop , else crack your head . At night it hit minus 5 . I ’ d feel almost snuggly – with two duvets , two blankets , two pairs of trousers – but if my foot should stretch out , it was if that foot was venturing into a Siberian winter .
If I wanted water , I ’ d take the frozen plank ( careful not to slip ), and I ’ d walk the hundred yards to the tap , and , yes , at times , a family of ducks might quack past , and I might think of Kenneth Graham who ’ d walk this very field , while he mentally composed The Wind in the Willows …
But I spent , wayyyy too much time , mentally composing texts to Yoga Guy , saying if he ducking wanted me to pay another 500 quid , for February , he could have connected the ducking water .
To shower , and to plug in my lap top , I had to go to the Packing Shed at Tolhurst Organic .
But that ’ s what saved the whole experience . In return , I offered Tolly I ’ d work on the farm , one day a week . It turned out Tolly has a new obsession : a thief is nicking cash from The Veg Shed . ‘ I ’ m gonna wait ,’ Tolly said , ‘ I ’ ll lock him in , then I ’ ll board the windows , and I ’ ll catch him – like a big mouse !’
The price of food has fallen 40 % in real terms in 25 years , and – like many organic farmers – Tolly ’ s actually unsure he ’ ll last the year . ‘ But surely more and more people care about the health of the planet !’ I protested . Tolly swiped that aside . ‘ Noooo , they don ’ t want to buy a muddy carrot . They want to fly to Costa Rica , for an ‘ eco-retreat ’, where they ’ ll lose the guilt , with some locally sourced fruit .’ So I then offered to pay Tolly , to stay in the Packing Shed . Yes , it ’ s unheated , smells of onion , and is liberally decorated with mud : I can stand – it feels like luxury !
But I ’ m still a farmer , one day a week . Week 1 , Tolly put me on sprouts . You have to cut back the sprout ’ s leaves , which hang like a skirt . Then the sprouts are like the pustules on its legs ( not what Tolly says , on his website ) but very interesting .
Week 2 I was on Kalettes . The plants are shaped like sprouts , but instead of green balls , they have miniscule purpley-green cabbages , which grow , in perfect diagonal lines - so the whole plant looks like a tiny helter-skelter .
As I harvested , flocks of pheasants arrived to nibble – of great interest to George , my dog , who ’ d been waiting for this job all his life . I released him . Seconds later , pheasants were exploding into the sky , making their strange metallic honks .
Week 3 , I was on celeriacs , which you lift out by the leaves - like grabbing the hair of a pin-headed pirate . The celeriac has a muddy beard of roots , which you must slice off , and the mashed celeriac is extra tasty when you ’ ve sliced its beard off yourself . I can ’ t explain why all this so lifted the spirits ( if you can , say !) but I ’ d recommend a spring of harvesting vegetables to anyone . Just don ’ t stay in a boat .
mrcloverthefamoussnail @ gmail . com
Conservation Matters Jim Gowans
St Nicholas Church Floodlighting
The Conservation Advisory Group ( CAG ) has now recommended that planning officers approve the latest version of the proposals to floodlight the “ Mother Church of Brighton ”. This application was submitted by “ CityParks ” a department of the Council as it is the Council which is responsible for the churchyard and not the church or the diocese , which is only responsible for the church building itself .
It is not encouraging to note that it has taken three years for the officers of “ CityParks ” to prepare an acceptable planning application . There were serious deficiencies in the documentation previously provided which resulted in the first application being withdrawn and the second application being amended after criticism from the CAG and Montpelier and Clifton Hill Association ( in whose area the churchyard is situated ).
The picture shows a computer-generated image of some of the proposals . Improvements to the lampposts and other lighting are also proposed
This project is seemingly funded by the contribution of £ 24,900 which the developer of the former ice rink site ( adjacent to the churchyard ) was obliged to pay when planning permission was granted for the apartment hotel in 2012 . It is hard to believe that such a sum is enough to pay for what is currently proposed . A further concern is the
maintenance of the installation : just 2 % of that sum (£ 498 ) is set aside for maintenance , which itself is clearly inadequate , and which is unlikely to be supplemented by the Council , whose neglect of the churchyard has been all too evident for many years now .