Growing old ( er )... disgracefully
It happens every year – regular as solstice clockwork . We gorge and party our way through the winter months and then bang on the midnight hour ( Ist Jan ) cry : “ That ’ s it . I ’ m done . No more drinking / eating / indulging / spending ….”
I see so many of my clients doubled-up like veritable pretzels chastising themselves for that extra slice or that ATM splurge . Not to mention the binge-watching and zeroexercise routine . “ I ’ m going to be ‘ good ’ in the new year ”, they plead , “ Honest … no more take-aways ”.
I see grumpy friends , colleagues and clients in ‘ Dry January ’, racing out the door on 1st February to turn on the beer taps with a collective ‘ Phew ’. Then the bingeindulge-remorse cycle starts all over again and by March people are back on the couch , bemoaning their waistlines ( and their waste ).
Resolution , Schmezolution . It can be a punitive start to the year .
Here ’ s the thing : I ’ ve come to believe that the annual roundabout of splurge and restraint has many threads to it : cultural , religious , environmental , elemental , familial . However , the way we approach being either ‘ Good ’ (= restraint ) or ‘ Bad ’ (= indulging ) is not really helpful . It ’ s too polar a perspective : black and white .
In my book Overcoming Addiction ( Amazon ) I look at how we can meet our real needs for ourselves without ‘ filling up ’ on the phoney , ersatz habits that we are told we must have in order to like ourselves . Or to feel better . ( Or not to feel to all ). Or to have fun , relax and relate .
I genuinely believe ditching the ‘ good ’ and ‘ bad ’ labels attached to food , drink , chocolate , spending , sex , exercise , money , TV and other daily necessities , is actually the healthy place to start .
Instead , we need to get in touch with our real needs and ask ourselves : “ What do I really want , really need , right now ?” Or “ What am I feeling ?” A bit of emotional literacy goes a long way . All too often we simply numb out before we can answer any of these questions .
We need to look after ourselves and our needs first and foremost – all the time . Not just in January . Instead of wrestling with new year ’ s resolutions , try and identify just one habit you ’ d like to curb or another one you ’ d like to adopt , as a new , more fulfilling , healthier , happier way of life . You may even enjoy it .
Instead of thinking about things as ‘ naughty ’ or ‘ nice ’, ask yourself what you really want .
It could be contact with a friend , a dance round the living room or simply a good night ’ s sleep .
Make sure there ’ s a good dollop of leisure and pleasure in your daily life , too . Living in West Hill , and in Brighton , that ’ s not too hard to find . A stroll to the sea , a coffee in a funky café or simply a night sky over the West Pier can work wonders .
A healthy habit isn ’ t just for Christmas . It can be for life .
l Growing Old ( er ) Disgracefully by Corinne Sweet Psychotherapist , writer , broadcaster www . corinnesweet . com
Photographer : Lynn Herrick