The Well Magazine Summer 2012 | Page 18

Good advice. Despite my outward appearance to many, I lacked confidence in a lot of ways. Maybe my hair hid me. I thought my forehead was big. My nose too big. If I cut my hair, all of that would be front and center. Words from my past made me less than confident. “You’re cute to be so dark.” My husband says that women do their hair for other women. Your father didn’t put a perm in your hair. It was your mothers. He says most men don’t like weave. I don’t know if I believe him. Look at Beyonce. “I wish Beyonce would cut her hair so you could see,” he says. Transition is difficult. Some days I don’t know what to do with my hair. The straight permed hair stands on top of the condensed natural part. I run my fingers through my hair. At this point, I would be getting a perm, but it feels good to feel my hair. I start to wrap it in a scarf. I used to do that when I was studying abroad in Spain. I used to rock that. My friend/stylist suggests a straw set— rolling it up in small rollers. Finally, something that works! had been a stay-at-home mother for many years. Many of my colleagues had gone on to become authors and national correspondents for top newspapers. I saw other women and I compared myself to them and their accomplishments. All of this didn’t so much come to the surface until the summer of 2010. I was preparing to speak for a women’s conference that fall. During the summer as I prepared to speak, I woke up at 4:30 one morning (why is that the time God always seems to talk to me?) and I heard in my spirit one word—deliverance. I was like, “O.K. God what do you want me to do with that?” Then all of these women from the Bible and their stories rushed to my mind. I got up and started writing. The theme that God gave me was “Deliverance for Desperate Housewives.” “God wants you to be free.” That was the message. God gave me some ABCs to deliverance. And for three months I had to go through all of the steps as God gave them to me. I needed to be delivered from fear. I needed to be delivered from feelings of failure and insecurity in who I was, what I looked like, my abilities and accomplishments. The Good News is if you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior, you’re already delivered. We’re delivered because God has already paid the price. He has set us free. Over the years, my self-confidence had been shattered. God told me my confidence is in Christ. I compared myself to others. God told me that I don’t have to compare or compete because I was complete in him. “Beautiful still.” The Well Magazine / Summer 2012 18 Permed And Flipped In Transition I The Big Chop Fresh Cut And Free