The Unfailing Love of the Father
By Katrinna Harris
B y the time I was 13 , I was living on my own , living from house to house with whoever would take me in . By the age of 16 , I had been raped three times and had tried to commit suicide three times .
Abandoned and abused , I still knew there was more to life than what I was living . But I could not find it . I was still a giver and loved people . I just could not understand why I was born . I often wondered why I was alive . As a matter of fact , I longed for death thinking it would be a relief . I hated living because I could not see a good reason to live in my circumstances .
I was not raised in a church and didn ’ t know about God the Father , his son Jesus or the Holy Spirit . I did not have or know anyone I could call on . Manipulated by friends and betrayed constantly , I just thought this was the way of life . That is until God decided one day to pursue me . Although my earthly father was not there , my heavenly father was always there . I consider it a miracle that God took the time to pursue me . I didn ’ t know what love was until I met the Father and experienced his love for me .
Looking for Love
I always looked for love , searching for it all the time . But I didn ’ t know what it looked like . My hurt and rejection created a needy person who longed to be loved . I gave away everything I had , including myself , thinking that if I gave , someone would finally love me . Instead of love , I found myself deeper and deeper in a hole . Up until this point my life was spiraling out of control and many others assumed the job of controlling me without any fight from me . I had no sense of freedom and at many times I didn ’ t even believe it was possible to be free . I had one thing going for me that proved to payoff , I had to the skills to do hair which provided finances for me to take care of myself . I remember the day God sent one of his servants on the streets of my hometown of McComb , Mississippi . It was hot and miserable outside that day , but this man had on a suit and looked completely different than us . He walked into the projects and I followed him . I followed a short ways back so he could not see me . I overheard him talking to a group of people about God and Jesus . He seemed to be very different and he also seemed to genuinely want to help people . At that moment something happened on the inside of me that I could not explain . I felt inspired and I whispered to myself , “ Man , I really wish I could be like that one day , oh I really wish I could be like that .”
I did not really understand what I was asking but I understood that I wanted to be different and that I wanted to help others . I had attempted to do that many times before but did not know how to truly help others or even what to say to others since I was doing some of the same things .
God ’ s Plan
From that point on , there was an unsettling in me that I could not shake . For two years after that God was preparing
CONTINUED ON PAGE 31 Spring 2013 / The Well Magazine 15