There Are Worse Things I Could Do
It was the summer of 2014, I had been dating a boy who for the sake of his reputation we’ll
call Steve. Steve and I had been dating for about three months and I was convinced we were in love.
After a delicious sushi lunch we retreated back to Steve’s home to watch movies. We were only about
twenty minutes into Mean Girls when I felt a pang in my stomach. I brushed it off, assuming the pain
would go away. To my dismay it did not, I let Steve know and always the gentleman he offered to
drive me home right away.
We headed outside, Steve went to start the car but I remained on the porch. “Are you coming?”,
Steve knit his brows. I proceeded to sit on the concrete porch step, I was not going anywhere anytime
soon. My stomach lurched and I tossed my sushi all over the driveway. From the side of the car Steve
let out a screech so high pitched it took me a moment to register that it had come from a human being.
“Oh my god”, Steve muttered in utter horror. I had no clue what to do next and I didn’t have
much time until the next wave hit. I did the only thing I could think of, crack a joke to lighten the
mood. “But wait”, I feigned my best infomercial salesman voice, “there’s more!” Then immediately
after emptied my stomach of the rest of my lunch.
I looked up from the disgusting driveway to Steve’s look of revulsion. Without a word he
picked up the garden hose, tossed it in my lap, and told me, “Um just get in the car when your done.”
We rode back to my home in silence. Steve pulled into my driveway and sighed, “Listen, I don’t
think this is gonna work out.” I let out a nervous laugh, “What’s not gonna work out?” Steve shook
his head, “Us”. I gave him a bewildered look. Before I could say another work he looked at me as if I
were deaf, “You can get out of the car now.”
It was that day I learned three things. The first being that there’s a time and place for every-
thing, even comedy. The second was that when it comes to finding a man you need to scan them very
carefully to make sure that they’re not complete jerks. And third be very very particular about the
places you choose to purchase sushi from.
-Madeline Byrne