whether or not you believe
or don’t believe. I’m not here to
discuss religion of any kind. All I
know is in my desperate hour of
need, I began to pour my heart out
in prayer. I prayed for my husband.
I prayed for myself. I prayed above
all else for understanding. I believe
I gained understanding, and it has
helped my husband finally begin to
heal. He is comfortable sharing his
feelings with me now. He knows I
don’t judge him, which is what he
needed all along. And once again, I
am feeling the connection I longed
for.
While my husband was deployed, I would tell myself,
“Someday this will be over.” That
is what got me through each day. I
knew he would come home and get
out of the Marines and I presumed
our life would be “normal.” I
would daydream about not having
to miss another holiday because he
was gone. I dreamt about him being
able to be home on my birthday and
our children’s birthdays. I thought
once he was out, everything which
came along with him being a Marine would be over. Boy was I
wrong!
it. I left my husband to stew
on our living-room couch to make a
snack for our kids. As I stood at the
stove, it hit me. “It is never really
over!” Yes, he is out now, and able
to be here for our birthdays, anniversaries, school programs, sporting
events, and even ordinary days, but
he is still and will forever be a Marine. He believes in his heart being
a Marine is more than saying it. It
means living it. He will be a Marine
One night, he was browsing until his last breath.
Facebook and came across a posting by the mother of one of the MaI stood at the stove, tears
rines who died during his deploy- streaming down my cheeks as my
ment. He became irate. He couldn’t heart once again swelled with pride.
let it go. He had to get out how he I felt awful for not realizing it soonfelt and it wasn’t pretty. I suggest- er, but it was so freeing to realize
ed, innocently enough I thought at this truth. I found myself saying,
the time, he just “unfriend” the “I’m Okay with this!” I’m so gratemother of the fallen Marine if ful he isn’t the kind of person who
things she said were going to upset served our country for the wrong
him that much. He looked at me as reasons. He joined the Marines beif I had just punched him in the cause of his love for America, and
stomach. He was angry with me for as he accepted his Eagle Globe and
even suggesting it. He said whether Anchor, he was completely and forit made him upset or not, there was ever changed. I am more than okay
NO WAY he was going to not be with this, I am proud of this.
there for the mother of one of his
guys. He truly felt it was disrespectI have also come to underful to the memory of the fallen Ma- stand that my husband, along with
rine to even think it, let alone speak every other Marine Corps Infantry
The Warrior Heart November 2014 - 11
man, has two sides. The side
of him I know is the human-being. I
love this human-being with my
soul. He is an amazing humanbeing, capable of so much love, and
so much good. The other side of
him is what I call The Machine. It
is what he becomes when he is in a
combat situation. It is what the
USMC trained him to become.
They did a good job.
During the deployment, he
became The Machine. Marines
know they are each an integral part
of The Machine. They know each
individual must function to the
highest level or The Machine
breaks and when The Machine
breaks, bad things happen. They
function as a well-oiled machine.
They identify threats and eliminate
them. They accept orders without
question and carry them out to the
fullest. The Machine does not have
human emotions; The Machine
churns on and on, day after day.
The Marines are proud of The Machine they create. They know it
functions at maximum capacity and
eliminates anything which threatens
its functionality.