The Virtuous Daughter Magazine Fall 2017 edition Cherish | Page 16

“Oil and perfume make the
heart glad, and the sweetness
of a friend comes from his
earnest counsel.” Proverbs 27:9
Without the natural progression of years spent together in person, building a
friendship around shared adventures, inside jokes, and memories, long dis-
tance friendships take much more intentional work. You invest in the friend-
ship alone, doing things like writing emails, sending packages, or texting a
picture you know your friend would find funny. You are not doing these
things together. You don’t get to experience fun events side by side. You are
reaching out to a specific person to either encourage them or get to know
them better. You can’t be selfish in a long distance friendship--it doesn’t work.
That demand for selflessness is why, when long distance friendships endure,
they are often deep and rich. Friendship based on proximity or family con-
nection is wonderful, and nothing can replace those childhood ties formed
with church friends or cousins, building forts and playing at recess. Old
friends are to be treasured. However, as we get older or move into different
life stages or different geographic locations, those friendships can sometimes
fade with time and distance. Deep long distance friendships are not as easily
threatened by such changes. They do not rely on location or social factors to
maintain your connection with each other.
The difficulties in continuing a friendship across distance acts as a naturally
refining tool in finding women who are trustworthy, share your values and
humor, and understand you in your most vulnerable moments. Distance re-
moves the social context around your relationship, so you know she cares
about you for who you are, not based on the social demographics that place
you together. Both friends must be committed and willing to reach out to one
another, or the friendship quickly fades. I love the words of King Solomon
16
in cultivating these friendships is sim-
ply reaching out over and over again.
How you do it and what you say is spe-
cific to your friendship. Technology
gives us a plethora of ways to connect
in visual and audible ways. You need a
firm conviction that the friendship is
You can’t maintain lots of close long important to you, and a determination
distance friends. As a teen, I would to keep investing in it despite the dis-
try to keep up with all the friendships tance, time, and awkward moments.
that I started while on missionary fur-
loughs once I went home. Only a hand- Even if you are not in a situation that
ful of them became close, enduring you need to maintain long-distance
friendships that still are a part of my friendships now, I believe it is still
weekly life. That’s okay. Long distance worthwhile to cultivate at least one in-
friendships take a lot of energy and tentional friendship over a longer dis-
time. Find those women you connect tance. Keep up with that missionary
with on a deep level and hang on to friend, expat, or girl you know who
them. They are the ones you will call, doesn’t have friends her age in her lo-
no matter where you are, when your cal church. Don’t just choose the eas-
boyfriend breaks up with you, you ier local friendships to fill up your
get your college acceptance letter, or connections. Practice the harder work
you’re having a hard day. Years down of sending those emails, opening up
the road, they are still the ones you will skype, sending that birthday card. Al-
call when you find out you’re pregnant low yourself to struggle with the diffi-
for the first time, you submit your last culties of the distance in order to en-
university paper, or you need someone courage someone else, letting them
know they are valuable and worthy of
to pray with you.
connection. Yes, long distance friend-
I could have included lists and specific ships counts as real friendship and yes,
tips in this article on how to maintain they are worth the time and energy you
long distance friendships, but I have pour into them.
learned that the most important thing
when he says, “Oil and perfume make
the heart glad, and the sweetness of a
friend comes from his earnest coun-
sel. Proverbs 27:9”. The gift of a trusted
person willing to speak honestly and
vulnerably to you is a gift to cherish.
17