marriage & family life
The Valley Catholic
The Year of YES
By Kathy Meister
Positive attitudes form positive
behaviors at home, school and in the
workplace. In early 2014, I suggest parents take a positive stance and begin
the Year of Yes.
There have been studies that indicate the brain does not always process
the words “no” or “don’t.” Typically
parents and caregivers experience this
when we tell children and teens not to
do something and they
then go ahead and do it
anyway!
While this is frustrating, it is not surprising to many of us. My
resolution is to take the
opposite approach. Let
children and teens know
what they CAN do instead. Child: “Can I stay up past 9 pm?”
Parent: “You can go to bed at 8 pm.” By
stating what they can do, it takes away
the argument factor that so many of
our children are super skilled at. This
positive approach can also be used to
counteract online drama as well.
When using technology, we are
faced with temptations to react to
posts, blogs, pictures, emails, text messages, and more. Most of the time people are apt to react to the negative. Our
emotions get involved, our adrenaline
starts to rush, and we want to become
“right-fighters” with a response.
This is the time to embrace the Year
of Yes. Instead of a negative or reactionary post, take a few deep breaths and
think “yes, I know they are wrong.”
“Yes, I know my reaction will only
cause more stress for me.” “Yes, I can
resist getting involved in nonsense.”
This approach may save a lot of
online and real life drama and help
decrease the stress that life already
throws at us. This is not easy to do and
takes a lot of practice, but this approach
can work; I personally attest to that!
As we model positive behavior
our children will follow suit. Teaching them ways to embrace the “Yes”
will help them deal with social issues
as well. Let’s imagine that there is a
bully at school or on the sports team.
Your child comes home each day and
complains about this kid and their language, jokes, taunting, teasing.
Our initial reaction may be to call
the school or coach and demand a
change in the other child. Although
this is a normal reaction, it does not go
very far as schools and coaches cannot
legally talk about a child with another
parent. So, frustration
and anger set in, causing
stress and conflict.
Instead, embrace the
“Year of Yes.” Talk with
your child and acknowledge t hei r sit uat ion.
“Yes, that is terrible.”
“Yes, those words are
hurtful.” “Yes, that joke
is very rude.” Then, come up with
positive strategies for your child to
deal with the situation. “Yes, you need
to tell your teacher/coach right away
when this happens.”
Many children will wait until they
get home to disclose what is going on
and it is too late to address the behavior.
Telling right away is a better option.
“Yes, you should walk away.” Bullies
and tormentors want a reaction from
their victim. Walking away takes the
gusto out of their attack.
“Yes, you need to be around your
other friends.” Surrounding themselves with friends or classmates makes
them less of a target and gives a feeling
of protection. When the child states,
“No, I can’t do that,” the response
should be, “Yes, you can.”
Although these strategies do not
solve the problem, it gives power to
a child that might be feeling overwhelmed and powerless, until a
solution can be determined and implemented. Most of us just want to feel
secure and happy, decrease our stress,
and be productive.
In 2014, embrace the
#YearOfYes!
Blessed Daniel Brottier
February 28 • 1876-1936
Daniel was ordained a priest for the Diocese
of Blois, France, in 1899, ѡ