No.129
The Trusty Servant
The wicket-keeper had talked many
a batsman off the field, but here the
leg was in the other boot (if that is a
legitimate variation): the Eton captain
quoted Charles James Fox and there
was a bye; he quoted Lord Fisher and
there was a four; he quoted Leslie
Henson and he was dropped at the
wicket. A mettlesome College man in
the gulley, a virulent commentator on
sport and Plato’s dialogues, then said
a singularly virulent thing; and the
wicket-keeper pulled up his pads and
resolved to turn over a new glove. In
the next over, after a beautiful late
cut, the Eton captain happened to ask
what value could be attached to the
classical education, and the wicket-
keeper replied quietly that it enabled
you to apprehend the Neglected
Positive. The Eton captain was out
next ball. I am not surprised.
The moral of this story, which
is mostly true, is, surely, like
Sanatorium, plain to see. In this
third year of total war, along with
the mobilisation of women must go
the mobilisation of the Neglected
Positives; for any force, the mere
mention of which can oust an Eton
captain, must have its uses in the
ousting of an Austrian corporal.
At the very least, it might distract
the minds of the soldiery from the
pernicious crossword puzzle.
The Neglected Positive is not some
footling bit of red wire which
exasperated scientists hunt for among
tins of lead shot, deceased Bunsens
and split atoms in laboratories and
places where they sit. Nor is it some
mystical elan, vital or cosmic process,
dimly perceived between sleep and
waking by the metaphysicians of
Samarkand. It is simply an odd
phenomenon of language, manifest
in the forgotten or unborn word
‘evitable’, which is the Neglected
Positive of ‘inevitable’, or ‘exorable’,
which is the Neglected Positive of
Lords XI going out to field 1938; Gow is 5th from the left.
11
‘inexorable’. I have rarely myself been
described as ‘indefatigable’ (which is,
indeed, not surprising), but, on the
other hand, nobody has called me
‘defatigable’ and, though I have heard
‘indolence’ condemned, I have never
known ‘dolence’ commended. It’s just
one of those things. The positives
have been most shamefully neglected.
Why, when we cease to be ‘infants’,
should we not become ‘fants’? It
seems a racy enough sort of word.
And why, if we are Royalty and pay a
State Visit, do we not pay it ‘cognito’?
I shall not issue a longer catalogue. I
suggest instead that the School tracks
down these Neglected Positives for
itself, that men be asked to write,
say, ‘Short notes on the Japanese,
in not more than six lines but using
not less than six Neglected Positives’
(‘scrutable’, ‘domitable’, and ‘nocent’
immediately come to mind), that div
dons, particularly on the Science side,
where literacy is as rare as a six-post
flier, organize a ‘Bee’ or else some
form of race which would combine all
the glamour of the bug-hunt with the
intellectual thrills of the chess-board.
With greater diffidence I would suggest
one more thing. It is distasteful to
expose others to unpleasantness
from which one has escaped oneself.
But such qualms soon pass when I
remember how a great Wykehamist
once told me it would be an excellent
thing if I went into College and how
he later confessed in my hearing
that for his deliverance from a like
fate he had thanked God for ten
whole days. Therefore, believing
that we must be drastic in the matter
of words and give honour to Mr
AP Herbert in his own country,
I suggest with due humility that
any man who in the course of his
researches claims to have discovered
the Neglected Positive of ‘indigo’
or ‘intestine’ or some such word, be
graciously received in audience of
the Headmaster himself and most
suitably decorated. Dixi.