The SpotLight Magazine The Spotlight Magazine / Fall / Winter 2015 | Page 99

The Having Kids Talk

For most couples, the decision to become parents requires several conversations, says Rhoades, possibly starting with saying something on the first date like, "Did you enjoy being from such a large family? Would you ever want that?" Before getting too serious, you should be more direct, she says. "Maybe it starts with, 'So, if things work out, would we want to have children?'" Discuss both how many and when. "We decided to give ourselves five years just to be married. I didn't want pressure until I'd seen my job as a pro soccer player through," says Jennifer, 37, a Hartford, Connecticut-based coach and mom of two.

The "Ugh, I Hate You" Talk

You're going to argue, of course. But this talk is about figuring out how—it's essential to establish the ground rules for when things get tough. Michelle, 36, a drug rep in Nashville, and her husband used to have a rule not to go to bed angry. "But that always backfired because at night we were tired, and when we tried to talk things out, they escalated," she says. So they talked and "we decided to sleep on our issues. Often they just blow over."

The Big-Picture Talk

Are you happy? Am I happy? Are we happy? "You think you know what he's thinking, but trust me, even after 50 years, you have to ask," says Virginia, 69, of Huntington, New York. She credits her 51-year marriage to a little luck and a lot of communication. "You always have to be hashing stuff out—planning the future or just talking about how life went today," she says. "And if you feel uncomfortable, that's when you really need to talk—so do it."

http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2014/11/the-talk-how-to-talk-to-your-boyfriend-husband/1

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