The Note to Self Talk
Believe it or not, the first chat you need to have, before you start dating anyone seriously, is with yourself, says Thomas Bradbury, Ph.D., director of UCLA's Relationship Institute. Are you ready to be part of a couple? How do you feel about your work, social circle, family? All the stars don't have to be perfectly aligned, but you should be happy with your own life before getting together with someone else, he says.
The "So...What Do I Call You?" Talk
Jason, 42, a Los Angeles advertising exec, and girlfriend Megan were friends with benefits for three years before making their commitment official. "We had a blurry relationship," he says, "but we knew we loved each other." Then Megan texted: "Come over tonight...boyfriend." Jason was relieved and laughed. "I thought, Finally!" he says. They talked, and have been together for six years now.
The "How Much You Got?" Talk
What do couples fight about most? Money. So what do you need to learn to talk about? Money. Within the first few months, you each need a sense of the other's financial picture, says money expert Farnoosh Torabi. A conversation starter she suggests: Sit down together (optional insert: two margaritas), and each write on a Post-it your salary, debt, credit score, savings, and any major fact like "I have a trust fund"; then swap Post-its. Do it, and every money talk that arises after that—kids' tuition, career moves, kitchen renovations—will be easier.
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