The SpecialMoms Parenting Magazine 2nd Issue | Page 34

Eye to Eye - Soul to Soul

Eye to Eye
Soul to Soul
>>>>Lateefah Wylienga

I

t’s interesting that when I was a child I
connected the word love with the sweet
cherub we all know as Cupid. I would
look at the paintings in history books and
contemplate the firmament of biblical times and
imagine the chubby cherubs aplenty. And as soon
as February would arrive, my imagination would
run wild, envisioning little chubby cherubs,
equipped with bow and arrows. If you were one
of the lucky ones (or not so lucky) Cupid selected
you to be the receiver of love. Ahh love … those
were the days.
That was then, and today I can honestly say a little
part of me misses the idea of Cupid. Whimsical,
innocent, sweet and uncomplicated love is what
I believed was the nectar on the tip of Cupid’s
arrow. Yet, understanding what the word love
really connotes, I believe I can safely say that I
received more than roses and romance when I
did find love. Or shall I say when love found me?
In every relationship most of us long to be close to
our partner. We want the three C’s, connection,
commitment, and caring. We want to know we
have a partner who is on our side. When things
get tough we want to know we are not, and will
not be – alone. Although these are the ingredients

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we want to be in the love potion, they can only
remain and grow with our help. We are required
to do things in a strong and loving coupledom. It
takes effort, after all love is a verb.
One of the most important things required is
open communication. We must be honest about
our feelings, our needs, our desires – and our
fears. It is imperative we get in the habit of truth
telling. Scholar, visionary and author Bell Hooks
says, love consists of at least four components.
She also states, “Commitment to truth telling lays
the groundwork for the openness and honesty
that is the heartbeat of love.” The only way we
can strengthen that love and get to the three C’s,
connection, commitment, and caring is if we
allow true intimacy to exist in our relationship.
If you think I’m talking about the physical aspect
of intimacy I’ve got to “ding” you. I am talking
about that which many of you are afraid to do.
Many of you are afraid to permit your significant
other to see you – honestly. Could the reason
be you are afraid that if they see you, they may
not like what they see? Perhaps you believe they
may judge you, ridicule you, or make fun of your
vulnerabilities. Sounds like old childhood beliefs
bobbing to the surface of your memory causing

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