The Soultown! Volume IV: Issue 1 JANUARY 2020 | Page 31

The Sankofa Vow THE SOULTOWN, USA - Readers beware! If you are ACTIVELY parenting adult children, please read now! If you are an adult child still asking for your parents’ help, please read now! Parenting adult children has to be the most stressful, thankless job in the history of employment. Some young adults have never balanced a checkbook, paid their own bills on time, or take responsibility for their actions. Some lack patience, fail to make critical decisions -- without a well-thought-out plan -- and if the words “thank you” spews from their lips -- it is with little sincerity. If this is you or you know someone like this, continue reading. Some young adults are considered the “good kids”. They have never pushed back on their parents’ decisions, never mismanaged finances, or had sex outside of marriage. These good kids are completely responsible, always grateful, and would never yell with a disrespectful tone or utter profane comments at their parents. Honestly, who are either of these kids? Today’s young people are seemingly governed by a cosmic duality; sets of two opposing and complementing principles being observed in nature. But who cares? While in the midst of parenting, parents should shift their focus to the root of the problem. Parents should ask themselves the right questions and parents should be open to using tools to help adapt, survive, and live. That’s it and that’s all. Welcome to the 1st Sankofa Vow of the new decade! No more kids gloves, this is the real, this is the raw and the rest is up to you -- it is up to US! Tool #1: Is the stress I feel -- parenting my child(ren) -- my Karma? Karma is the philosophy of the Buddhist -- the sum of a person’s actions in current and past states of existence the cause of their fate in current and future existences. Don’t lie to yourself, ask yourself … “Self … is the stress I endure while parenting my adult children my Karma?” If the answer is yes, accept it and proceed. Tool #2: Did I raise this child or children alone? Hold on, before you get on a soapbox and rehash all the struggles getting them to the cotillion, paying for SATs, all the dolls, perfumes and pairs of Jordans, ask yourself did extended family help? Did your children spend time with maternal and paternal aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins? Were there close friends that assisted in advice, financial support, or love? If the answer to these questions is yes, then relieve yourselves of the guilt you may feel. You did not raise this child or children alone. Proceed. Tool #3: Does this child or children fully understand what it means to sacrifice? The true definition of sacrifice is surrendering a possession as an offering to God or a divine or supernatural figure. However, most of our children have NOT, and I’m leaning more towards if our children know what it means to sacrifice and have they given up something, for the sake of a better cause? Don’t get weak on me now. It’s natural for us to want more for our children than we had ourselves, but at what cost? If you are anything like me, you have worked tirelessly to become a good provider. You have become mild-mannered, and have a host of friends that will agree with you. You intentionally avoid burning bridges professionally and personally. Here’s the big one, you have demonstrated time and time again how and when to take one for the team. In this case, the team is family -- immediate and extended. If the answer to these questions is yes, then you have all rights in the world to begin parenting from a distance with command! Proceed. It’s easy. Let’s begin together. Treat your adult child(ren) just like they treat you. Reciprocating behaviors is a practical exhibition and offers a clear explanation when the results are not to their liking. Ask them to share their weekly, monthly or quarterly financial plan. If they fail to plan, then they have accepted the notion that they are planning to fail. If they choose NOT to share, then let them fail. That which doesn’t kill them will make them stronger. Teach the power of prayer. Our Creator will NOT just give endlessly. Faith without works is dead. Our children must understand grinding isn’t forever, but it is for NOW! Unfortunately, parenting adult children is the most stressful, thankless, job in the history of employment. However, I am committed to creating and using tools that help me, to help us adapt, survive and live. Holla if you hear me! That’s it and that’s all! The Sankofa Vow is The Soultown’s promise to our ancestors; to return to the Motherland and retrieve what has been stolen from our ancestry via the trans-Atlantic slave trade. Our forefathers intended to leave seeds for us to return to gather, plant, cultivate and grow. These seeds can be reclaimed and retained by reading, watching, and discussing with our elders and also by traveling to our native continent of Africa, the Motherland. I am Chillin’, Innovative Extraordinaire for The Soultown International Magazine. I’d like to thank the parents of adult children for having SOUL! , Learn more about the Sankofa Vow at thesoultown.com Email me: [email protected] Jan. 2020 • Immortalizing Our Stories to Implore Positive Progress In Our Communities • thesoultown.com 31