by Mikayla Marazzi

When Erin Harbert was 11 years old , her family moved from Indianapolis to Fairmount , one of Grant County ’ s thirteen townships . Though she was familiar with Fairmount , as she had grown up traveling to visit her grandparents in the area , the transition was difficult . Erin was immediately thrust into the rhythms of small town Indiana life : participating in 4-H events , performing in show choir , running track in high school , and swiftly becoming familiar with the surrounding community .

And yet , the transition begot the earliest sparks of depression in Erin ’ s life . “ I ’ ve been clinically depressed for 11 years ,” Erin describes , “ which coincides with me moving here .” Coincidentally , though , this time is also when Erin first became interested in art . As the emotions swelled , growing increasingly opaque and intangible in her life , art became Erin ’ s means of expressing , showing , and illustrating her feelings . “ Since then , art has always stuck with me ,” Erin says .

Now , studying photography at Indiana Wesleyan University , Erin recognizes that depression drives most of her art making . Art is Erin ’ s avenue of capturing her feelings of being alone or not having the words to describe her feelings or her sense of not feeling anything at all . Art , too , is not only part of her healing process but it is revelatory of its progress as well . “ Art will always be about [ my depression ]… until I find other things to make art about ,” Erin says .

Two friends , Mallory and Conner , have been particularly instrumental in helping Erin through the hardest seasons of her life , when her depression was most fierce and visceral . However , this past December , when Erin experienced another spike of spiraling depression , she

found herself unusually alone , as Mallory and Conner had graduated and were no longer living proximate to her . “ I did a lot of crying by myself , but I also did a lot more art making ,” Erin says .

A poem that Mallory had shown her a year earlier , The Nutritionist by Andrea Gibson , swiftly became a lifeline of hope for Erin during this time . And one particularly beautiful and poignant phrase in this poem became her daily mantra — and the eventual inspiration for her current photography display , “ Weak Just Because ,” which is being hosted by The Bridge Café for the month of July .

Erin ’ s project grew out of an assignment she received in a Fine Art Photography class she took this last spring semester . During the first week of class , the professor gave each student in the class a disposable camera with the instructions to “ make something ” by the end of the week . When it

became the day before the project was due and Erin still hadn ’ t begun her project , she decided to return to this phrase she had fallen so in love with a month earlier : “ you are not weak just because your heart feels so heavy .”

Erin remembers this day being particularly hard , her depression vast and present . She simply decided that she would capture each moment , throughout the course of the day , in which she recited this phrase to herself . Erin ended up taking 27 images that day , the entire capacity of the disposable camera . As she was waiting for her images to scan digitally that night , she found herself scribbling this phrase over and over again against a white sheet of paper . “ I had said these words so often , and they were just rattling around in my head ,” Erin explains . She ended up scanning this page with all the scribbles and eventually , she overlaid all her images with all the words .

In her final project , Erin used 8 images to compose her story . Each image was overlaid with the phrase in increasing font size ; as the images progressed , the font got bigger and bigger , until the last image only displayed the words “ weak just because .” The increase of the font size shows that as her story progresses from dark to hopeful , the words of the phrase morph into increasing obscurity and yet never fully disappear . “ I chose the last image to hold the words ‘ weak just because ’, because at the end of most days , this is how I still feel ,” Erin says .

Erin ’ s display , currently featured in The Bridge Café , shows the 1st of her 8-image series . This first image begins her story , showing a photograph of her roommate ’ s bed , with her beloved phrase overlaying the poignant image . And in many ways , this is exactly where Erin ’ s story with depression begins — with the simple admission that her depression begins with the difficulty of getting out of bed each morning . Erin describes how vivid her experience was each morning : waking up to her roommate ’ s already made bed , wondering

Now , studying photography at Indiana Wesleyan University , Erin recognizes that depression drives most of her art making . Art is Erin ’ s avenue of capturing her feelings of being alone or not having the words to describe her feelings or her sense of not feeling anything at all .

if she would ever be able to leave her own .

Erin ’ s piece is designed to be interactive , as she encourages each viewer to literally take a section of her photograph home with them . Erin hopes that her story can remind others that they aren ’ t alone in their battles with mental illness . She refers to another line in Andrea Gibson ’ s poem : “ the most healing thing we can do is remind each other--other people feel this too .” Though many of us would like to think we ’ ve grown out of this need for solidarity , thinking it to be an “ angsty teenager thing ,” Erin thinks that it is also an “ angsty adult thing .”

Erin also explains that her artwork is about accepting imperfection . She laughs , explaining that her display is not

exactly hung level or straight , but that is okay , because “ it ’ s not about being perfect .”

Since Erin ’ s installation of the piece , she has felt overwhelmingly grateful for the responses she has received . One student , approached her after a gallery event , and said : “ I get messy beds , I really get that .” And Erin was so grateful to hear those simple words , as it illustrated that her piece had made another person feel not only understood but less alone .

The Bridge Café will be hosting Erin ’ s display , “ Weak Just Because ,” for the entire month of July . Don ’ t miss Erin ’ s artwork and stop by The Bridge Café this month to see it ! And remember to take a piece of Erin ’ s work home with you , as reminder of grace and solidarity .

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