HUMOR ME AGAIN
Take This Seriously
DEAR SANTA,
Happy Birthday, Santa!
I know it’s early but my mom and dad say you get busy this time of year. Probably because you have to always shovel out your sled. Bet your elves can’t help you do that because the snow will come up to their noses. Maybe you spend most of your time shoveling them out.
Well, I wanted to wish you a special birthday because you mean so much to me and my family. We have a picture of you on our wall from when you were my dad’s age. And we have a statue of you sleeping on a knocked down telephone poll. That’s my dad’s favorite thing. I think my dad has a beard because you have a beard. He really likes it. He’s always touching it. I guess he’s not afraid of eating it. I tried to eat some hair once but I almost threw up so I took it out. Will you ever cut your beard?
I guess I have some questions, if you don’t mind. If it’s your birthday, why do you spend all your time giving other people gifts? You’re a very nice person or whatever you are. My mom says you’re like a powerful angel. My older brother says you’re just fat and bored and you don’t like your wife so you make toys and give them away. It’s still nice. Is your wife an angel, too? When is her birthday? Why don’t we celebrate it?
Why do you have different names? Which is your favorite? My birthday is in March. Should I give gifts away instead of get them? My mom is mad at me. She doesn’t believe me that you are Jesus. She took the picture down that I drew of you in your suit standing next to red nose Rudolf. Everyone at church looked at me funny. I don’t understand. I see old people in church. Why don’t they want to see a picture of an old Jesus at church?
Why don’t you stop by church? Everyone would love to see you. I think some people think you are stuck in Heaven. Do you believe in candy? Why don’t you give gifts on people’s birthdays? It would be less confusing. Do you want something for your birthday? Mittens, or a picture of my dog? I can ask my mom to make you a birthday dinner. Do you like potatoes and beef? I hate cabbage. Please don’t say cabbage.
Do you write your own birthday music? It’s very nice. Why do you need so many people to sing it? Sometimes I fall asleep in church. Can you tell if you’re not there? Is that okay? I thought of something else I can give you. A hug.
You are nice. Write back please.
Sammy