“Me.
This little Chinese woman who is always mistaken for a teenager.
Shout out to my Chinese genes.
So between stereotypes, people swear my identity is confused… As if I’m trying to adopt a new culture.
A disgrace in my family and a wannabe in society, but I’m only being me.
To define me is to break a part the pieces, to share vulnerably, but it’s never enough
Tied ball and chain to a beast of bullet point lists of who I am supposed to be in this skin that I’m in
In these boxes they’ve made me check
In the whispers and mumbles from reflective mirrors telling me I’m acting
Crawling out of this temple thinking I must be made incorrectly because everybody is telling me so.
Raised in diversity yet told I need to be just this little Chinese Woman
But I refuse to assimilate
To be this cookie cutter image of your favorite little Chinese woman
Every attempt at being natural means being an Emmy award winning actress
And every vocal cord used to take my thoughts and spew truth is a bad taste in people’s mouths
I’m just trying to speak.
They’ve worked to erase me.
They’re mad.
Because I..
I spit the English language with fire beaming into souls to ignite change
I’ve been beaten to my last breath and have carried the weight of my ancestors
A weight that I was not taught and a burden, I am now at 27, aware of
Pain demands to be felt.
I’ve been shoved into a mold that I don’t fit.
I have this urge to go in but the words are hanging on to my mind and won’t drop down to my vocal chords.
I want to spew truth, my truth, a perspective of life that ignites my courage, MOVE!
I’ve been groomed to believe conflict won’t get you anywhere but dropped dead, smacked across the face, pushed out of cars and humiliated.
Fear.
Genocides.
The trembling of hands, heart beating anticipating the Great Leap Forward
But why did we have to lose 45 million and traditions to be comparable to America?
The trembling of hands, heart beating anticipating the Great Leap Forward
But why did we have to lose 45 million and traditions to be comparable to America?
Dying.
Dead.
Little Chinese Woman
Bailey Fan