Fashion
5
UV-Safe Specs
It is a well-known fact that on average 73-91% of all equipment within the standard lab is grey. This is obviously because most scientists are simple fellows that are confused by more than one colour in any instance and have developed a fear of this due to its tendency to indicate negative results.
These brightly coloured spectacles were first discovered by German physicist Hans Oberstklossner in 1897 whilst studying UV radiation. Unfortunately for the world, this discovery was lost in 1902 when Oberstklossner died from Gamma radiation poisoning, and was only rediscovered in 1988 when some original notes from his workshop were found at a hilltop rave outside of Durbach.
These quickly became an overnight fashion sensation, adorning celebrities the world over and becoming a main-stay iconic style item in fertility clinics. Labs finally had a useful novelty object that defied their grey surroundings, and the scientists that didn’t turn insane, were glad.
Fashionable, comfortable, economical and safe. A lab dream!
"Never did a man love poo so much as james bell."
the top science journal. James responded by sabotaging not one, but two oxygen probes as he and Phil worked on their collaboration ‘Do sea urchins suffocate in their own cum’, which subsequently never made it to publication.
Undeterred by this series of early setbacks, James published his second poo-based article as a post-graduate, this time outside SJIS, which he deemed not worthy of his time. He briefly moved to New Zealand, but got hopelessly lost on his way to his new workplace, and moved back to the UK.
After working on marine faeces for the next year, James followed Phil to the Natural History Museum, where, disguised as an annelid taxonomist, he attempted to plagiarise Phil’s work investigating the genetic basis for segmentation in tapeworms. This was unsuccessful, so he moved to Leeds and accepted a doctorate in the faeces around hydrothermal vents. James won the latest series of ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get me out of Here!’, and with the prize money, coupled with a grant from his university purchased an ROV. Tragically, this is where James met his early demise, having barely started his academic career. Riding this ROV, James attempted to dive to the edge of an active hydrothermal vent during a survey for his latest poo project, and drowned at 20m below sea level. Forensic scientists determined that an ROV shouldn’t have been manned at all, and in any case this one was just a few inches long and powered by 4 AA batteries, so was devoid of any life support.
RIP