The Science Behind the Law of Attraction Magazine February, 2016 | Page 58

Recogni zi ng V erbal A buse So You Can
Tak e Steps to End I t
By Holly E. Messick, author of Karmic Dance---A Spiritual Journey through Verbal Abuse

During the first twelve years of my second marriage, my
husband and I were involved in a verbally abusive
relationship. Because I had experienced ongoing verbal
abuse since childhood, I was unaware of what was
occurring in my marriage as it was unfolding. It wasn?t
until we?d been together 10 years and the abuse began
spiraling out of control, that I sought the help of a
counselor who made me conscious of the nature of this
verbally abusive relationship. Even with my new-found
knowledge and awareness, I continued to stay, in the
hopes that the situation would improve. But over the
following two years, it only became worse, so I finally
moved out and began a year-long separation. At the
end of the separation, my husband acknowledged his
behaviors and agreed to change.
While we were separated, I had continued to go to
counseling--reading about verbal abuse--reflecting on
what I learned about myself, and journaling. I learned to
recognize the behaviors and also see how my vict im
ment al it y support ed t hem. When we reunited, I was
able to teach him how to communicate in constructive
ways, and we eventually created a balanced relationship.
To define it, verbal abuse is used by one person to have
control over another. There are a variety of verbally
abusive behaviors, some of which are built into our
culture. For example behaviors such as one-upmanship,
bullying, disparaging, manipulating, criticizing,
hard-selling and intimidating can be considered to be
fair practices in the business world. But in a
relationship, these behaviors can be very destructive.
Nothing is more damaging to one?s confidence and
self-esteem than being in a verbally abusive
relationship.
Verbal abuse is experienced by people in all walks of
life. Not limited by income, career or job, education,
geography, age, or gender, it can occur in any type of
relationship ? including spousal/ partner, parent-child,
dating, at work or school.
A victim of verbal abuse may not see or recognize the
abuser?s behavior as abusive. Instead he or she often
develops coping mechanisms--which include denial and
minimizing--in order to deal with the abuse. However,
long-term verbal abuse can cause severe emotional
trauma in the victim, which may result in depression,
Page 58 - February, 2016