“ Thoughtful questions demand thoughtful answers . When we respond with half-baked or pat answers , we communicate that we ’ re not taking the questions seriously — or even worse , that we simply don ’ t have any good answers . Bad answers shut down sincere questions .” ( Alisa Childers and Tim Barnett , The Deconstruction of Christianity )
Many adults who have walked away from the church and “ deconstructed ” report that when they were in the faith , they did not feel like they were “ allowed ” to question the Bible or its theological doctrines . Some had their questions dismissed and were told to “ just have faith .” In fact , Natasha Crain writes about a time when , at a dinner party , another mom confessed that she tells her daughter God is like Santa : “ It ’ s a matter of faith .” This could be the makings of a future deconstruction . We must not let this be the story for our kids .
RULES TO FOLLOW IN THE MOMENT :
1 . DON ’ T PANIC Whether your child is just curious or is experiencing doubt that Christianity is true , cast your anxieties on the Lord and trust Him . Ultimately , your kiddo is in His loving hands , and their salvation does not rest solely on your ability to answer their theological questions .
2 . DO PRAISE We want our little future apologists to be awesome question-askers ! We must be careful not to fall into the temptation to act annoyed or exasperated , even if the timing isn ’ t great . Reinforce good question-asking skills by giving lots of praise and encouragement whenever your kid raises a question about the faith . We want them to report back to their friends that questions were always encouraged in their home ! ( Below we ’ ll cover what to do when you can ’ t have a proper conversation right at that moment .)
3 . DO PROBE Sometimes your response is going to be different depending on what is motivating your child ’ s question . Did they see something in a TV show ? Did they have a conversation with a friend at school that sparked curiosity , created fear , or sowed doubts ? It ’ s a good idea to evaluate why your kid is asking the question before exploring the answer with them .
4 . DON ’ T PRATTLE I cannot tell you how many times my son has asked me super complicated philosophical questions , and I go to town giving an elaborate answer with all the nuances , anticipating and responding to all the objections I can think of , and when I ask if that helped he replies : “ Huh ? Sorry I wasn ’ t listening .”
( Face palm ) Learn from my mistakes : Keep your responses short . They won ’ t be exhaustive , and that ’ s okay .
WHAT IF THE TIMING IS REALLY BAD ? Rather than constantly finding yourself in a situation where it ’ s just not an appropriate time or location to have a deep theological conversation with your kid , you can be prepared ahead of time . Get your family a special journal , specifically designated for tough questions about God and the Bible . Anytime a family member ( including mom and dad ) has a question , write it down . You can even have a second journal designated for answers . That way , after y ’ all have researched the question together , you can record what you ’ ve learned . You can even cross-reference them by making a mark in the question journal which says “ answered ! See page ### of answer journal ” so that they know which page to look at in the answer journal . Make it an on-going family project !
Not home when the questions are popped ? Get out that good ‘ ole notes app on your phone and record them up while you ’ re out and about . I don ’ t know about your kids , but my kids LOVE any opportunity to type things into my phone , so depending on your family rules that could be their task . That might even motivate them to think of more questions , keeping their minds on the Lord ( wink ). When you get home , have the kiddos copy the questions into your special journal . Imagine both journals as the pages fill in the coming years — what a testament that will be to your family ’ s effort to love God with all your mind !
DISCIPLING VS . ANSWERING All this being said , take care not to become your child ’ s Bible Answer Mom . The last thing we want to do is teach our kids to seek out authority figures who will merely supply them with all of the “ answers .” ( This is one way cults are made . It ’ s also how doubts are sown later — when another “ authority ” has a different answer .) We want them to wrestle with both the question and answer . That ’ s how they own it , rather than just regurgitating it . It is our job to disciple our children . This involves not just teaching them , but also training them . It is critical that we don ’ t just give our kids answers . We need to train them how to ask good questions and how to seek true answers for themselves via good research and critical thinking .
This article has been printed with permission from Mama Bear Apologetics . Find out more about them on their website , mamabearapologetics . com .
Alexa Cramer is a homeschool mom of two . She became obsessed with apologetics after a season of doubt that nearly stole her faith . Alexa has a background in film and video and will willingly fight anyone who doesn ’ t agree [ that ] DC Talk is the best band that ever graced the earth .
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