I was addicted to pornography until I was twenty-seven . I still remember when I saw my first pornographic image . I was nine , and a friend showed me a picture of a naked woman he had found . Curiosity and hormones brought me back to porn later in my preteen and teenage years . It was difficult to access porn in the age of stationary PCs and dial-up internet , but I still managed to find it . Once laptops , Wi-Fi , and smartphones came onto the scene , it seemed as if it was impossible to escape the ever-present temptations . I felt I was doomed to remain stuck in a cycle of short periods of victory followed by periods of ever-intensifying struggle . My addiction culminated in losing my ministry and almost losing my marriage . I seriously contemplated suicide during this time of my life . The shame and guilt of porn and the false reality I was living had brought me to my knees .
During the fifteen years I struggled with sexual addiction , my typical response was to cover up my failure and then put roadblocks in my path to make it harder to access porn . But as technology expanded , I found it increasingly difficult to escape temptation and bury my addiction . I kept finding new ways to indulge the flesh , fluctuating from periods of abstinence to more profound and destructive phases of indulgence . It wasn ’ t until I broke from my patterns of secrecy and deception that I began to find the freedom I so desperately desired .
IT WASN ’ T UNTIL I BROKE FROM MY PATTERNS OF SECRECY AND DECEPTION THAT I BEGAN TO FIND THE FREEDOM I SO DESPERATELY DESIRED .
Eventually , I realized I needed to stop relying on willpower , filters , and my buddies to keep me from crashing and burning . This isn ’ t to say that accountability partners , internet filters , or tools that restrict technology won ’ t help someone struggling with these problems . But if the primary role of these tools is to keep someone from falling into sin , they won ’ t be effective .
I ’ ve found these tools work best to foster transparency and honesty . I still have Covenant Eyes on my computer , phone , and other devices , as well as certain restrictions I have placed on myself with technology . I also have a mentor who regularly speaks truth into my life ( unlike a buddy struggling to be free who sympathizes with you regularly ). The problem was not technology but the condition of my heart and mind ; this is always the bottom-line problem .
Technology is going to continue to expand . Scripture reminds us that our fleshly desires will continue to tempt us to a life of perversion and degradation ( James 1:14 ). Our children will be tempted to lean into the dark side of technology and experience all that sin has to offer . Culture will continue to deliver an assortment of deadly lies , and things will continue to degrade . We can see society ’ s downward spiral around us ( Rom . 1:18-32 ). Yet I submit to you that this is not a technological problem ; it is a human problem , a problem that God has remedied !
I want to share with you the same thing New Testament Christians found to be true . They lived in a world that was obsessed with sexual sin , and yet they had everything they needed for their deliverance . I believe God ’ s truth is the thing that can set us free ( John 8:32 ). The fleshly desires that tempt us to go our own way lead us to destruction , but to know Jesus is to know life . Experiencing the genuine reality of Jesus is what set me free ! This is still the promise of the Gospel and the hope for every generation .
I reset my brain for about a year by eliminating Facebook , the internet , and even smartphone access . I went to marriage counseling , spent time with a mentor , and read many books . But the most important thing I did was to dig into the Scriptures and find the truth that would eventually set me free !
My recurring struggles came from lies I had believed ( Jer . 8:5 ). I wanted people to like me , my Dad to affirm me , and my wife to respond to me . When my cup wasn ’ t full , I would go to my vice to find the acceptance , satisfaction , relational connection , control , and self-worth I longed for . Of course , indulging in my sin never helped fix the root problems , and I always left feeling more overwhelmed , needy , and unsatisfied than before .
Romans 12:2 says , “ Do not be conformed to this world , but be transformed by the renewal of your mind .” As I exchanged the lies I had held onto for the truth of God ’ s Word , my mind began to be renewed , and my life transformed .
Let me tell you , this was not a quick or easy process ! I learned that my value was not in what I did but in the price
24 THE RENEWANATION REVIEW