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We will never do family ministry at this church .”
Those words were uttered to me by the senior pastor of a church where I served as an associate pastor . I had been a pastor at the church for nearly a decade in marriage and student ministry , and my eyes had been opened to the importance of the home . When I asked the senior pastor if I could equip parents to disciple their children , I had a conviction that God designed parents as the primary disciple-makers of children , but that was about all . I didn ’ t really know how it would impact children or youth ministry . I had no strategy or plan . I had not defined what family ministry meant . I didn ’ t have a well-developed theology of family or church . I had a biblically motivated conviction but learned that wasn ’ t enough .
Despite my best effort , I initially failed to persuade the senior pastor to embrace family ministry , and I learned a lot through my mistakes . From the many conversations I ’ ve had and emails I ’ ve received , I ’ ve learned I ’ m not the only person that struggled in this way . In fact , I think it ’ s the norm . If you are spinning your tires to move the family ministry needle at your church , welcome to the club !
I received an email from a children ’ s pastor at a large multi-site church that expresses the hopes and challenges that many of us have experienced : “ I ’ m so very hopeful about having a family ministry at our church , and have been for four to five years . I have presented this idea to two different pastors at our church at two different times , and it hasn ’ t caught their attention . I have fragmented ideas , but I ’ m just not sure how a family ministry would really work . Therefore , I need help on how to present the importance of family ministry .”
Can you relate to this pastor ? I know I can ! Through my experience , I learned that the family ministry discussion requires a pastoral heart to shepherd other leaders to a place of biblical understanding . In the eyes of the senior pastor , I was threatening the status quo and questioning traditional age-based ministry models , which have been the accepted norm in the North American church for the past few generations . It ’ s what he grew up with , how he was trained in seminary , and what he embraced as orthodoxy . I ’ m sure he was frustrated that a young whipper-snapper had the audacity to suggest that there may be a better way forward . The senior pastor told me , “ We hired you to work with students , not their parents .” I needed to help him understand the “ why ” of family ministry better , and that required some leadership from me to move him from “ working with students , not their parents ,” to “ working with students and their parents .” I wanted the senior pastor to value family ministry , but it was difficult for him to embrace ambiguity , and it ’ s nearly impossible for a church to implement it . He needed theological clarity and a compelling biblical vision , and I needed to provide it . Once that happened , movement began . By God ’ s grace , the senior pastor who told me he would never do family ministry was eventually persuaded that it was biblical and began to incorporate family ministry into the DNA of the church .
WHY FAMILY MINISTRY ?
There are 168 hours in a week . For children , media gets 35 + hours . Education gets 30 + hours . The church gets only 1-2 hours . Combine that with many parents and grandparents doing little to disciple the next generation , and we get Judges 2:10 , “ And there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord or the work that he had done for Israel .” Family ministry is essential for every church because it ’ s God ’ s good design for the evangelism and discipleship of the next generation .
RENEWANATION . ORG 29