Helping Your Child Learn Personal Responsibility
MY wife and I decided that our children were getting old enough to leave them home alone for short periods of time , so we thought that a fifteen-minute walk down our country gravel road would be a good place to start . We told our children , “ You have one job — safety ! Make sure everyone is safe .” It seemed simple enough , and we thought , “ What can go wrong in fifteen minutes when we are only a couple of blocks away ?” It turns out that a lot can go wrong . When we turned into the driveway at the conclusion of the walk , our son came bursting out the back door , screaming at the top of his lungs , holding a rag over his mouth . When he removed the rag , tooth chunks fell to the ground .
After we left for the walk , the children decided to play baseball . In the house . With a full-sized bat and ball . Our son was hit in the mouth with the bat when he was rounding third , headed for home , and his sister had a major league-worthy bat flip after a solid single . Our children didn ’ t do so well with the small responsibility they were given . It was a teachable moment for our children . We talked about how
By Dr . Josh Mulvihill
freedom comes with responsibility , and those responsible with little are often entrusted with more responsibility . We spent thousands of dollars to repair our son ’ s tooth , but the repair always breaks off , leaving him with half of a front tooth . It is a visual reminder to our children that irresponsible decisions are costly and can be lifelong . God has used that experience , and our children have grown in personal responsibility .
Responsibility is learned through the combination of age-appropriate opportunity plus accountability . It is an art for parents to determine how much responsibility a child is ready to handle . We ’ ve tried to avoid two opposite ends of the spectrum , giving a child too much responsibility too early or not enough responsibility for their age or maturity level .
Responsibility is the fruit of accepting ownership for something and is displayed through initiative , dependability , and quality effort . Children are by nature irresponsible , so parents need to be prepared to provide unconditional love and see failure as an opportunity for growth . We ’ ve learned to celebrate small successes when a child is responsible , as this builds confidence , encourages the child to take good risks , and helps them believe they can accomplish difficult tasks .
When a child is young , the parent does everything for the child . Over time , responsibility needs to be transferred to the child so that by the time the child leaves home , they are responsible with time , tasks , money , and the demands of adult life . The ultimate goal is self-government , the ability to exercise all functions without intervention from an external authority .
Our children are learning responsibility by doing age-appropriate chores at home , serving at church , and caring for animals on our small hobby farm . Our oldest son is sixteen and often leads worship for the children ’ s ministry , which teaches him responsibility through planning songs , coordinating volunteers , and going to bed on Saturday evening at a reasonable hour , so he is well-rested on Sunday morning .
We do not shelter our children from the consequences of failure , as this is a powerful teacher . If a child is irresponsible and breaks something , he or she must pay for it . Recently , one of our children broke a plastic shelf inside our refrigerator door . The replacement part cost $ 48 , which we could have purchased . Instead , our son had to earn the money and replace the item . In the process , he learned responsibility .
We purposefully provide opportunities for our children to be responsible for tasks that stretch them . Our ten-year-old is reading to our six-yearold to help our youngest child learn to read . Our twelve-year-old played Taps on his bugle for his great-grandfather ’ s funeral and is often tasked with cooking dessert for a family celebration . We have found that children meet , and often exceed , high expectations and feel honored to be entrusted with a big responsibility .
26 THE RENEWANATION REVIEW