BECOMING A GODLY MAN
IN AN AGE OF MALE PASSIVITY
By Dr . Bryan Smith
Historically , young men have left their parents ’ home around the age of twenty , married , established themselves in a career , and raised a family . Now , however , many never mature beyond their teen years . Some psychologists call this the Peter Pan Syndrome because these young men hold on to their childhood and refuse to conform to the demands of adulthood ( as Peter Pan did in J . M . Barrie ’ s story ).
How many live in their parents ’ basements , addicted to video games and social media ? More than you may think . In 2014 , 35 percent of men ages 18 to 34 were living with their parents . That same year , only 28 percent were married or living with a partner . 1 Of course , not all living with their parents were Peter Pans . Some were going to college or transitioning from one career to another . Nevertheless , the overall picture is grim . These days , a man in his twenties or early thirties is more likely to be living with his mom than his wife .
Male passivity has become a huge problem in our society . Men living in their parents ’ basements are extreme examples of this , but passivity is a problem for all men . Every man , at times , would rather be passive than take action . For that reason , every man — especially every young man — needs to understand what causes male passivity and what it takes to overcome it .
CAUSES OF MALE PASSIVITY
Why are so many men — even many Christian men — failing to take their place in God ’ s world ? There are many reasons . I believe the following three are especially significant .
First , many young men have unrealistic expectations about the future . These expectations often come from the secular self-esteem talk of our culture : “ You can be anything you want to be !” and “ You deserve the very best !” Many young men today expect to be rich , successful , and completely fulfilled in every part of their lives . But when they look at the paths before them leading to adulthood , they don ’ t see one that meets their expectations . So , they sit and wait .
Second , many young men are afraid of criticism and failure . Because of the influence of feminism , people , in general , are suspicious of strong , assertive men . So , for a man to shake off passivity , he will have to be willing to face criticism . He will have to accept the fact that his motives may be judged , and he may be charged with chauvinism . The possibility of such criticism is too much for some young men . Another problem is the fear of failure . To make a decision is to risk failure . What if the car I ’ m thinking about buying turns out to be a lemon ? What if college is too hard ? What if that hard conversation doesn ’ t go well ? Such men do not realize that while every decision risks failure , passivity makes it certain .
46 THE RENEWANATION REVIEW